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i dont really know where im headed tonight other than to offer you a taste of whats been on my heart.  of what im longing for.

hope.  its been my theme recently.  finding it.  defining it.  defining what it means to me; and what it is and should be, to me.

is it weird that i find more hope from modern media than from modern christianity?   is it weird that what speaks to me, that what gives me hope isn’t the 10:30am sermons every sunday?  its not the orchestral music or the 3 points to (insert your favorite christian topic here) message.

its realness.  realness gives me hope.  its seeing people who are chosen.  who stumble, who fall, who are unsure and weak and scared and, a lot of the time, lost… but they know.  they have a purpose.  they’ve been given a mission and like it or not, its theres to complete.

its a realness that allows me, even if for a time, to feel normal.  to feel like i fit in somewhere.  because for so long, ive not felt that.

im learning more the simple fact that hope is not a pretty thing.  its not flowers and sunshine, birds and rainbows.  hope isn’t pretty.  its stubborn, torn, bloodied and at times gruesome…. its the drive that keeps us going when everything else is lost.  its the internal reminder of a bigger picture.  of the calling on our lives.

they give me hope.  that maybe, in the midst of the chaos of life, and more so, the chaos of the heart, there is still a mission to be carried out.  there are still battles to fight, and win.  there is still a calling.  there can still be passion.the world can still be changed.  and there can still be love.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: But it ain’t all buttons and charts, little albatross.  You know what the first rule of flying is? Well I suppose you do, since you already know what I’m about to say.

River Tam: I do.  But I like to hear you say it.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Love.  You can know all the math in the ‘verse, but take a boat in the air you don’t love, and she’ll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds.  Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she’s hurting before she keels.  Makes her home.

River Tam: Storm’s getting worse.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: We’ll pass through it soon enough. 



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