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A few weeks ago while on my way home in the car with my girlfriend, I confessed something that I do my best to hide.

I confessed one of my greatest fears.

Ten years ago this past week, my life changed. While September 11 had the nation in shock and riveted to their TV sets, our family was disintegrating.  And less than three days after our nation was attacked, my family began a journey that would come to define the next decade.

I don’t think we completely understood then what the next ten years would bring.  But down deep, I think we knew things would never be the same.  I can still remember the day they left.  I remember saying goodbye in the parking lot near my job.  I remember the tears, the uncertainty, and the determination to make light of a situation that was anything but.

I remember the pain and loneliness that followed.  I remember the fear.  I remember feeling more alone and abandoned than I knew was possible.  And I remember finding places inside I didn’t know could hurt.

I remember waking up knowing I was still alive because the ache was so strong.

The Decade

It’s been a long ten years. I’m not the same person I was then.

None of us are.

And although this past week is a hard reminder of pages written, although this week brings memories of moments that changed our lives forever, there is something new.

There is hope.

There is a grace I now sense, guiding me through the coming days.

On that short car ride, I opened up and shared just a shadow of the pain that began 10 years ago.  And I told of my greatest fear, of being left behind again.

I wasn’t laughed at.  I wasn’t scolded or corrected.  I was accepted.  I was prayed for.  I was offered something I’ve been praying for, for a long time.

I was offered love.


Later that evening, I was thinking about this week, and what it would mean.

I don’t profess to hear God audibly, but as I stood in the shower, I broke down.  Because I heard Him, clearly, in my heart.

This time will not be like the last.

I was His son.  And this was His promise.  This was my rainbow.

This was my promise that my family would never have to go through this again.  There wouldn’t be any more Thanksgivings at Denny’s, or days spent volunteering at a food pantry just so there would be something on the table that night.

I am His son.  And this is His promise.

This time, this decade will not be like the last.

Passion – Healing is in Your Hands

there is something powerful about watching the rescue effort finally come to fruition.  something that calls deeply to our souls, that whispers “this is right”.

it’s like we are born knowing that we were meant to rescue, and worthy of rescue.  and when a story of this magnitude, when men move mountains to save a few lives, we see flashes of our Fathers love or us.

for it is in these moments, these moments of rescue, that our true calling, our destiny is most clear.

He came to seek and save that which was lost.  and He has asked us to do the same.

one sonic society – our God will come

Philippines, Sumatra and Samoa – my heart, our hearts are with you….

Let the songs i sing
Bring joy to you
Let the words i say profess my love
Let the notes i choose
Be your favorite tune
and Father let my heart
be after you

The 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence proved by their every deed that they made no idle boast when they composed the most magnificent curtain line in history. “And for the support of this Declaration with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.”

Paul Harvey

Paul Harvey – We Mutually Pledge

(listen – please)

the value of who we are as a people, as a nation, lies not in our foreign policy, not in our wars, or refusal to enter them, not in the strength or weakness of our dollar. the value of this country does not lie in our tax code, caucuses, or stances on immigration.

the value of who we are as a people, as a country lie in ourselves. in each of us. if we chose to be a people of honor, then our country will be a country of honor. if we chose to be a people of strength, then we will be a strong country. if we chose to be unbending in defense of those less fortunate, then our country will respond to crises – both internally and externally – and defend what is right.

the future of this country does not lie with politicians, or with who the republican nomination goes to. the future of this country will never be decided by those profiled on the 11pm news.

the future of this country is you and i. if we are people of honor, if we stand unwaveringly for what is right, if we defend the defenseless and believe in things like faith, hope and love… then this country will be great… because its people will be great.

the call to greatness lies inside of each of us. its not something we chose to have. its not something that we can simply turn off. it is there. placed in us.

it is our response to that call. to that yearning desire inside our hearts that determine our destiny. it is our response to that call that makes us who we are.


i honestly didnt plan to write any of the above. it just kind of came out. but it came from my heart.

i know im not great. im no where near great. but i want to be. i hear the calling. the promise of rain heard in the rumble of far off thunder.

david heard the same call. his years spent tending sheep were not punishment. they were not banishment for something he had done. he had not been forgotten. no… this was something more. this was something more because david was called.

the time spent as a shepherd was davids training ground. this was his time to find out what he was made of, to be refined, and to realize the call on his life for greatness.

david listened to the call, embraced the wilderness and the lessons it taught, and in doing so…. changed history.  he was what some call one of the greatest kings ever to walk this earth. just, a defender of the weak, righteous… and a friend of God.

i dont know where you find yourself today… but if anything i just wrote echoed inside of your heart, its because you’ve been hearing the call also. i implore you, as i do myself… to heed the call. embrace the wilderness, learn the lessons… change your world.

and find yourself a friend of God.

i dont typically comment on current events.  because honestly, a lot of the ‘news’ the media focuses on, is a waste of time. for example, 50% of ALL cable news coverage last week focused on only one subject.

but i wanted to bring your attention to this.

a 15 year old girl in germany has been forcibly removed by 20 police officers from her home.  for a week she was held in a psychiatric facility.  her diagnosis was a ‘school phobia’.

the most recent update ive been able to find states that the german authorities have removed her from the facility and moved her to an unnamed location.  neither her parents, nor her lawyers have any idea where she is being held.

her crime? she was homeschooled.  yeah, thats all.

if you pray, id ask that you say a prayer for this 15 year old and her family.  and if you want to do more, as i will be doing, call the german  embassy in Washington, or email the authorities in germany.  you can find contact info here and here.

although words just dont seem to be here tonite, i could not let this week in September pass by without saying something.

im not sure i have words right now. not for what this week represents. for how much, what seems lifetimes ago, life changed. the world changed. my world changed. and i started a journey that i never in my wildest dreams could have fathomed. life fell apart. and i was forced to pick up the pieces.

now i stand, four years later amazed at whats happened. holding fast to the break of day….

ill be honest, for the most part im too afraid to look for His hand in all this. in all thats transpired. im resistant to finding His over-arching will buried inside of the shadows of the past 4 years. im not wanting to believe that a loving God could have anything to do with all thats happened.


i’ve absolutely no idea how to close tonites post. so im not going to. not officially. but ill leave you with this…

a new song.

for a new time.

and by the way, welcome back to my life…

oh Lord, why did you forsake me
oh Lord, dont be far away
storm clouds gathering beside me
please Lord, dont look the other way


we are crooked souls
trying to stay up straight
dry eyes in the pouring rain

the shadow proves the sunshine
the shadow proves the sunshine

Discovery returns to space

God bless our crew….

hey there all, just wanted you to know that ill be on vacation for a lil while.

i get to see the fam!

and meet the future brother in law.

loveya all!

i honestly dont think im here yet…. i dont think that i can say this with all of who i am… but i am fighting to get there.

Lord, hold me…. and let me feel Your hands on my back.

I know grief. I feel closer to Christ with the knowledge that He felt the pain and fear I feel. I feel closer to Jesus knowing He doesnt rebuke me for my lack of faith, but kneels down and places His worn, dirt-caked hands on my back and just lets me cry. I seek acceptance. I long to come to the point where I can stand and see that God did what was best, even though it is a mystery to me. In the meantime, I have a loving Savior who is holding me and gently whispering in my
ear, My peace I leave with you, Jon,  My peace I give you.



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