“i cant stand to fly, im not that naive
im just out to find better part of me
im more than a bird, im more than a plane
im more than some pretty face beside a train
and its not easy to be me

wish that i could cry
fall upon my knees
find a way to lie
about a home ill never see

it may sound absurd
but dont be naive
even heros have the right to bleed….
i may be disturbed
but wont you concede?
even heros have a right to dream

men weren’t meant to ride with clouds between their knees…
the song of the moment. five for fighting. superman. im only a man in a phony read sheet looking for special things inside of me.
seems to fit right now. i dont really know who i am.

theres been a line from a song running through my head alll day and i cant figure out any more of the song, or who wrote it. all i remember is “…. and i’d hurt just to know im alive” ah well. such is life huh?

in other news, i recievd an email from one of the closest friends i have. it wasnt only probably the best thing that happened today… it was an email that would have been the best thing that happened today had i won the lottery. there is something… rare… that is found when you’re given a friend who just lets you know that they will be there for you. they may not be perfect… but they offer something that is beyond any human. they offer you love. pure, unhindered love. unconditional, undesereved and unwarranted love. its nothing you could have done to deserve it…

dear Jesus – help me. help me to live a life worthy of those people that you place in my path. all ive learned these past few months point to the simple truth that i am wholly, fully and completely inadequate… a total failure – of living a life worth dying for. yet thats what you did…. you died. for me. help me to simply live – for you.

its amazing isnt it? how we can walk through our day to day existence wholly unaware of the blessing he pours down on us. we live our lives so sheltered from everything else in the world that we miss so much.. the sun shining, the birds singing… heck… flowers. and yeah, i know this may sound really cheesy – but ask yourself, when was the last time youliterally stopped to smell the flowers? huh? when was it? i dont know if i can remember the last time i did that. we act like our life is the only thing that matters and…. LIFE itself is sooo much bigger than we are. humbling huh?

i dunno… 1:20am. just some random thoughts… and to paraphrase a very special person – “i hope – through these ramblings… you found my heart.”
sleep well everyone