all he wanted to do was go home….

“the practice” isnt normally a show i watch. but i had just come home and taken a shower. i was cold and wanted to disappear into a tv show. so it was either “the practice” or the -over-the-top- pagentry of the closing cermonies of the Olympics. so yeah, “the practice” won hands down… (dont get me wrong, ive loved watching the olympics. skeleton is now by far one of the coolest things ive seen. 80mph, no way to steer… your face 3 inches from a sheet of solid ice:-) fun stuff) anyway..

the practice… the whole reason i started blogging… so here goes
todays episode dealt with a man who was obviously mentally not well. he believed he was superman. and after living in an institution for 5 years, his wife (who was not able to care for him the way he needed) finally felt she had to move on. so she told him she was divorcing him. so… “superman” decides to follow her home by “flying”. so he hops out a 3 story window and kills an account that he lands on. never once, not believing with all he was that he was “superman”.

not to drag out a really twisted courtroom drama or anything… the show ends with him… balling his eyes out. because he is not able to understand why he cant just “go home” with his “lois lane”. his world revolved around the woman who was leaving him and he couldnt understand why.

which brought back a memory of a long time ago. summer of 97 i volunteered as a daycamp counselor @ my churches daycamp. being the leader of a group of 12 year old boys – we – once a week would particpate in a “giving back to the community” endevaour.

one of these trips, all of the oldest kids (mine included) visited a nursing home for a few hours to provide company and encouragement to anyone we could. all in all, a wonderful idea and a really cool trip.

and i would have loved to mingle with the older folks, but i was selected…it seems.. by an older woman who was obviously dealing with some memory loss. she was new to the nursing home. and dealing with ALS i think. she coulndt – for the life of her – figure out why she couldnt go home. thats all she wanted… just to – go home. to her husband and kids. she couldnt remember that her husband had long since passed.

so i spent 2 hours in a nursing home with a very scared and very fragile 80something year old woman clinging to my arm… wanting to know why she couldnt go “home”.

i know. a long and almost pointless blog. i remember walking out of the nursing home feeling very bad for the lady whom i had met. i couldnt relate to the overwhelming desire of not being “home”. of not laying your head down on your own pillow. in the house you grew up in -or in her case – had a family in.

i can now.

ok. changing gears completely.
todays song of the day –
lifehouse – simon

refuse to feel
anything at all
refuse to slip
refuse to fall
can’t be weak
can’t stand still
watch your back
’cause no one will

and another switch
todays phrase of the day (it can be more than one word because i said so. so there:-P) is… (stealing again from vals blog) SFX DRUMROLL SFX

unresolved issues

my wonderful friend, websters, defines “issues” as: a matter that is in dispute between two or more parties: a vital or unsettled matter. or – in a state of controversy : in disagreement.

for a guy who likes to have his bigger ducks – in a row.. going to bed knowing that nothing has been resolved, is a hard thing to do. or maybe.. id just like to be able to fix everything ive messed up.

i guess that that is just as impossible

inadequate as i am. i cant be anything else. not successfully. and the only chance of success i do have – is to be me.

so… until tomorrow morning.
goodnite all

Advertisements