i guess i find myself standing at the edge. and honestly, i dont know if it is THE edge… if its AN edge or even if im supposed to be standing next to it. ive lived the last 8 months of my life under constant stress. and all of a sudden – some of the weight is gone and the sun is actually begining to shine. and i honestly dont know what to do now. im almost expecting my world to come crashing down around me all over again.im cautious to the point of fear at being optimistic. i dunno. i guess im just not used to this. not used to having life be pseudo-normal.

i dont have much for you tonite. i guess im just learning that this life i think im living is a definite rollercoaster ride. right now? i cant see anything. i dont know where im going. and i dont know what to do.

for months my life revolved around simple survival. and now its slowly changing. the fight to survive is still there – but ive got to start dealing. and learning. and loving. and honestly… hopefully… trusting.

ok. i could go on. but i should sleep.