as a precursor to my blog tonite… i read relevants article
here.

speaking of phone calls to make. i have one or two of my own.

i dont know if id consider myself on the ‘outs’ with a friend. but things arent exactly peachy. that i know for sure. its amazing how quickly things can change in any relationship. in the matter of a moment, a relationship – and even – ones whole life… can be permanently changed.

i dont know. maybe im not being as teachable as i can be. maybe my servants heart hasnt shown through enough. maybe i got tired. maybe… maybe im just losing the sense of trust i had in almost everything. maybe im going completely crazy. i dont know.

they say im supposed to trust the One who keeps the stars in the heavens and tells the tide when to come in… and when to go out. they say the One who has the whole world in His hands is worth my trust. they say that if we believe in Him, we can move mountains. they say He is worth us trusting Him with our very lives. they say it…. im struggling with it.

they say He’s trustworthy. i say – i want proof. i want to know why. why my family is falling apart? why am i 1700 miles away from them? why cant everything be normal and ok again? why is my sister fighting for her life?

trust? why is everything i EVER trusted falling to pieces in front of me…

why…..

and dont…dont you DARE give me some ‘christianese’ answer. if you aren’t walking in my shoes then shut the heck up…..

im not perfect. im not claiming to be. but i am moving on.

maybe i do need to be making that phone call. maybe i should be on my knees first.

i dunno…. but there is only one way to find out.