as i see it, we humans are both blessed and cursed with an ability that very few, if any other beings posses. that being – the ability to learn from others mistakes.

the blessing side makes the development of indepth and intricate processes and machines something that is possible. it offers us the chance to better ourselves. it gives us the ability to always have a goal beyond what has currently been accomplished.

the curse is that it bears with it a massive responsibility. if we are given the gift, then we must take it in its fullness. responsibility and all. or, we can choose to leave it behind and walk this road completely blind.

in the case of my parents… especially my father, im learning how insanely huge he did mess up. and im terrified of the results of my actions because i either chose to ignore, or was never made aware of my fathers failures. im only 22, and yet sometiems i feel much older. i look back over the past 5-7 years and im so scared of the mistakes ive made. mistakes i didnt know were mistakes… things i was already weakend against simply because my father lived that way…

mistaktes i have made. mistakes that no matter what -in the end- i will have to face the consequences. mistakes… failures, that now bear my name. mistakes that can profoundly impact the rest of my life…

mistakes that ultimately, i have been forgiven of.

im learning about grace. im learning about mercy. im learning -again- that life can change instantly. im learning that ive been called to a higher level than even that of my parents. they’ve been placed in my life so i could learn what to do, and what not to do. it is my responsiblity. it is my calling… this is who i am. and this is what i must do.

i am scarred. i am scared. but with Him, i will overcome.

im 22 years old. and this is my life.