thats it. in a nutshell. for this portion of today anyway… thats what im feeling. conflicted. confused. hurt. lost. searching.its nto even 2pm. and im so…. broken…

it hurts so much to see her. i miss her so much. and yet…

did you hear that? did you? i miss you. i feel sooo many conflicting things about this situation. so much hurt, and yet im still consumed with the desire to love you and always provide for you the very best i can…

most times, im capabale of understanding what im feeling even when it makes verly little sense…. all i typically need is some time to think things through…

this… this is different. this strips me of my defenses and lays me bare for the whole world to see. this rips away the bandages, the comfort zones, the ‘protective barriers’ i enact and errect to shield me from more pain… this rips open old scares and this leaves me defenseless… utterly naked and unprotected…

if it matters, i dont like feeling this way. i dont like being ripped apart. i dont enjoy it… not one bit.

but yet, i wonder… look at what Christ had to endure so that Gods love could be poured out upon us…
He endured all that – for Loves sake.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

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