i honestly dont think im here yet…. i dont think that i can say this with all of who i am… but i am fighting to get there.

Lord, hold me…. and let me feel Your hands on my back.

I know grief. I feel closer to Christ with the knowledge that He felt the pain and fear I feel. I feel closer to Jesus knowing He doesnt rebuke me for my lack of faith, but kneels down and places His worn, dirt-caked hands on my back and just lets me cry. I seek acceptance. I long to come to the point where I can stand and see that God did what was best, even though it is a mystery to me. In the meantime, I have a loving Savior who is holding me and gently whispering in my
ear, My peace I leave with you, Jon,  My peace I give you.