so im back.

just spent 8 days with the family. 8 great days. i havent seen my mom or one sister in more than a year… and i had 8 days.

im trying hard to keep my chin up. because, in all honesty, i had a blast. i miss them more than words could express. but i did have a blast. it was so much fun. and it was…. i felt complete. i was home

and then, i woke up here. this morning. and it was different. i woke up in my apartment. but this time there wasnt anyone perking coffee. no little dog running around my feet.

it was quiet.

i called skip. i used the excuse that i wanted to talk with her about a ride to church this morning… but in all honesty, i desperately needed a friendly voice to hear. then i called home. talked to my sister.

later this afternoon it finally hit. and i lost it. it hurts so much to be here. whats amazing is that i know ill be seeing them in less than 3 months for a wedding. so i know it’ll be soon. there is no question.

but all i can think about… is how badly i want to go home.

it wasnt supposed to be this hard to leave. i almost didnt board the plane in texas. after saying goodbye and passing through security, i had to run to the bathroom…. i cried in the stalls. i sat there in the terminal, a full 90 minutes before the flight, with nothing but my thoughts.

God i just want to go home. please? can i?

now i realze… im insanely emotional right now.

i just want it to stop hurting. its been 2 years. ive had enough. i want to hang up my armour for a time and rest with those i know love me. i want to be a part of a family again.

i just… i want to go home.

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