so yeah. its late, 12:39am central time. and i have this mental process thats running right now.

i was confronted earlier tonite, via a tv show i remember watching when i was 14, with the idea of true love. im not sure if the thoughts in my head will congeal enough to allow me a cohesive blog, but im at least… shall we say… exploring my thoughts for tonite.

earlier this week, my sister called off her engagement. with less than two weeks before the wedding was scheduled, its been stressful around here. now, im not going to do two things:

1.) i will not get into any of the circumstances.

2.) i will not get into my thoughts on the circumstances surrounding the past weeks events.

my thoughts for tonite are not that concrete. they deal more with the ideals and eternal dreams of the notion of true love.

i was privledged to have a front row seat to the slow destruction of my parents marriage. and now, i am equally honored to be in the stands for the cancellation of my sisters engagement. how lucky is that?

now dont get me wrong, i feel for my parents… more than most of you could ever know. and i hate how this is impacting my sister…. but for right now, just bear with me as i explore my thoughts.

it occured to me earlier tonite, while watching boy meets world that ive not really allowed myself time to process whats gone on here the past few days… or for that matter, much of whats gone on the past few weeks. but thats beside the point.

see, the plot line of tonites episode was as follows:

corey (main character, the “boy” who “meets the world”, 14yrs) was having to deal with seeing topenga (the main characters girlfriend, and “the one he is destined to be with”, also 14) kissing another guy. see, our two lovebirds had broken up earlier in the storyline, but decided to remain friends. this decision was so that they could date other people, which is what topenga was practicing. our main character corey, felt punched in the gut, even though he agreed with the breakup.

now, ill skip ahead to the shows final episodes where, if you’re not a geek like me, you dont realize they end up together forever as husband and wife. knowing from the age of 3 that they were truly destined for one another.

which finally, brings me to my point… true love. or, to be more precise: the ideal of one person having a soul mate. someone, somewhere in the world who is your perfect, matchless, there can be none other, match. someones whos strengths compliment your weaknesses and vice versa. someone who will be a best friend… someone, simply created to be perfect for you…

i used to believe in that. right now, im not so sure.

now, dont get me wrong.. ive got an absolutely wonderful person in my life. and i love her more than life itself… thats not my issue.

i guess, my question is this:

if i died tomorrow, or beyond that, if i ceased to exist, would someone out there lose the only chace they had at true love? at finding their soul mate? would that person be settling, so to speak, if she was to marry another? are our lives that directed, that planned out by destiny that there can be only one?