my sisters birthday was tuesday. after work (woohoo, new job. i will get into that later) we went to eat at Chilis with sisters best friend and some of her coworkers.

throughout the evening i was my usual semi-goofy self. (although i was pushing exhaustion.) just realized that when i get really tired, i am typically pretty funny to be around. so yeah, on the ride home while listening to some love song my sister liked, i was laughing hard from just my own funny thoughts:-)

and then it hit.

i laugh, because if i didnt laugh.. i’d cry.

im not sure why that was the thought ringing so clearly through my mind… but it sobered my laughter almost immediately. maybe its the lack of “me” time over the past two weeks. maybe its the new job (with charter communications, its definitely a blessing). maybe its just that im now in texas. maybe its cuz i miss skip.

maybe its because im not allowing myself the time to actually sit down and contemplate, mull over, and ultimately accept that im no longer in new york. and that new york, probably wont be here anytime soon.

i think im finding myself afraid. afraid to simply face the facts and swallow everything thats gone on. its almost like i am creating a little dream world where im not 1700 miles away from new york. where im not separated from my best friend. a world where nothing has changed.

but it has. changed that is. and in my desire to simply jump headlong into life here, life with the family, new job, etc… ive decided that its much easier to simply live two lives… one in which im a happy person who has just relocated to texas, and one where im a new yorker who simply misses home.

sometimes one can schedule when they choose to deal with their emotions. sometimes it just hits like a mack truck… yesterday at the mall with my sister and mom, i was nearly run over by my emotions.

see, this is the first actual weekend being in texas without the safety line of knowing that the princess from new york was either here, or would be here within a short time…

and just as the icing on the cake, memorial day came and went… and i never allowed myself time to really focus on what didnt happen 2 years ago.

so would i say life is good? yes. it is. but would i also say that readjusting is hard? yes. incredibly. and i dont even know how to express to people that it is as hard as it is. it simply… well, it simply is.

so for now, ill continue to find simple ways of amusing myself. with the hope that laughter will continue to carry me through… and that when i do set foot back into reality, that the arms of a loving Savior will be there to tell me that there really is a reason to this madness… and that im not crazy.

for once upon a time, a 24 year old prince found himself in a strange, far away land. a land where heat was constant, where new experiences, and responsibilities were everyday occurrences. a land where he knew none but his family. and as our hero the prince realizes where he is… he hopes and prays that there will indeed be…

a happily ever after.