this post is regarding jens decision last nite. and the comments regarding it on aprils blog which can be read here.

its interesting how we watched the exact same show, although i only saw the last hour of the final episode, and ran down completely different thought paths.

not that your thoughts aren’t correct… they most definitely resounded inside of me. my initial knee-jerk reaction wasnt the same as yours. mine dwelt mostly in the realm of fears that i have.

ive thought a lot about love/marriage recently, especially if there is just that “one someone” who is meant for you, or if love is nothing more than two people who decide to give whatever it takes to make it work. so seeing the show simply brought the spotlight back onto those thought processes.

during some time with my mom a few weeks ago she asked me a quesiton. she asked me about a certain someone in my life… and what the plans would be for this person. and even if there were plans.

and my answer went something like this.

“i cant see getting married or involved in a committed relationship because i havent seen one work. all ive seen is how one man (my father) can have such a tremendous destructive impact on so many families. his family, my moms family, and our immediate family. he destroyed so many parts of those families. and he was just one man. why on earth would i want to enter into a relationship that would carry with it the same possibility for destruction that my dad dished out?”

i know… quite a response. and mom didnt have much to say after that. im not sure if she’d never realized it, or just simply was unable to see things the way i did until that moment. or maybe she was trying to decide what to pack for lunch the next day… im not sure. all i know is that my response to her questioning was from the very bottom part of my heart. and encompassed within in all the fears and lack of qualifications that a 25 year old from ny could carry. it was real. it was me.

why would i want to bring someone into my life if they’re only going to end up like my parents? or for that matter, like my mom? and dont tell me it couldnt happen, children of divorcees have a divorce rate themselves of 75%. thats nearly 50% higher than the national average by the way. i never want to treat a woman the way that my mom was treated. she deserves better than that. april deserves better than that. jen deserves better than that.

and its that last and final thought for this morning… that my mom deserves better.. that april deserves better… that jen deserves better… its that thought that rises up within me and screams out a guttural YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jen had the guts to stand up against millions of people and say she wasnt going to settle. she knew she deserved better. she deserved to be treated like a princess not only on first dates and when guys are desiring something… but 10, 20, heck, 50 years into the marriage. a princess is who she is its not just a way she should be treated. its part of the very fiber of her identity. and she is looking for a man who will always be able to see that precious part of who she is.

and it was those thoughts that made me realize how awesome a responsibility marriage will be. how much work ive got ahead of me to be able to be the kind of man that will treat the woman of my dreams….

just like she is the woman of my dreams.

so have i given up hope of a relationship? on a future life with that special someone? no. ive not. i know ive just got a ton of work to do.