i saw your name just now. can we say ‘caught offguard’? and wow… ive absolutely no idea how to react.

what did i do?
what did i say?

you’re just, you left. youre gone.

part of me is desperate to find out what on earth i did. part of me wonders if it wasnt something i dont know about, but, just a cumulation of me not being the person i should have been.

but another part of me is quietly whispering to me… its telling me that you’ve repeatedly said i didnt do anything. that i hadnt screwed up. that i know nothing and that therefore its pointless for me to try to apologize.

everyone makes mistakes. and im sorry for those i made.

but im not going to apologize to you anymore. i want to not worry about what happened. i want to not freak out every time i see your name. life goes on. and ive got to go with it.

but i dont want too. i want to sit here. i want to tell you im scared. im worried. im hurt and im lost and im wondering…

im wondering why.

august evenings
bring subtle warnings to remember
to kiss the ones you love goodnight

 

you never know what temporal days may bring
laugh and love, live free and sing
when life is discord-
praise ye the Lord

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