we all have regrets, things we wish we’d never ever done. things that haunt us in our dreams. things that interrupt our dreams… things that scream that we’re destined to fail. destined to let others down. destined to destruction.

we all have things in our past that we wish we could forget. things, choices we made, actions, words we wish would disappear. would fall off the planet and never again be remembered.

we all have a past. some of us have been able to shut it in a closet. and forget its there. others of us are still haunted by decision made long ago.

we’ve all built castles in the sand. and we, in our own way, have watched them crumble as the surf rolled in. we’ve all faced personal disasters. and ive come to the conclusion that the person hardest on us, is us.

you see, i believe in a God. i believe in a God who promised to remove our sins from us as far as the east is from the west. a God who promised to throw our sins into the vastness of the sea of forgetfulness. i believe in a God whos dream it is to restore us (humanity) to the position we lost thousands of years ago. i believe in a God who offers forgiveness, who sent His Son to pay for our sins. and to allow us a chance at abundant life.

i believe all those things… and yet i still replay my own failures. my own mistakes. i still focus on the diseased part of who i am, instead of the immense God who is waiting for me to step back, so He can step in.

i believe all those things… and yet i still fear. i still fear people finding out who the real me is, or was. i fear not being good enough. i fear not being forgiven.

i believe all those things, and yet… i fear.

i fear missing Gods will. not being good enough for His plans for me. i fear being unworthy of the dreams i carry deep within myself.

there is something to be said about being content with where you are at. with being thankful for what you have, and what youve been given. and there is tremendous truth in that. there is. and im a firm believer in working towards contentedness.

but there is something more.

i fear, but i know. i know there is more to life. i hear it echo off the walls in my heart. i hear it when im alone. i hear the cry in the wind. i hear it in the aching of this generation. there is something deeper. there is a prize worth fighting for. there is life out there, beyond what ive known. there is life.

there is hope. and there is forgiveness.

there is swimming in the sea… and finding your memories being lost in its depths. there is walking in the valley, and finding your life renewed by the presence of the One who will never leave.

there is forgiveness. and forgiving of ones self.

there is life.

there are symphonies still to be heard. symphonies contained within the whole of our beings, within our souls. there symphonies we are destined to play in. to write. to hear.

there is destiny. and there is life.

i give You my apathy
im giving You all of me
i want Your symphony
singing in all that i am
at the top of my lungs
im giving it back

and i lay my head back down
and i lift my hands and pray
to be only Yours
and pray to be only Yours
i know now
You’re my only hope

 

 

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