now playing: to rescue me – the choir 

the Israelites journey to their land of promise was full of danger.  and im not trying to be dramatic here, but it was.  starvation, more powerful and better equipped armies, taking what was probably millions of people through a desert, each one of those could have decimated the nation of israel.  but they made it.

and God commanded them to not forget that which they came through.  to tell it to their children.  to tell their story.

for so long i always thought it was to remember the greatness of the God they served.  i’m learning that this may not have been the case.  at least, not entirely.

God wanted to remind His children of their story.  of where they came from.   he wanted to remind them who they were, before.

now that they were free, they would have forgotten that they were captured.  now that they had homes, jobs and success, they would have forgotten that they were once broken, lost, homeless…. slaves.

he wanted to remind them of who they were…. so they wouldnt forget His love.  how far He went to free them, to provide for them, and to bring them to Himself.

he wanted them to know that their story mattered.  not only to them, but to those who would follow.

their story of rescue, redemption, provision, healing…

…..

so now i sit, sipping some tea.  the choir playing.  and i realize how much like the Israelites i truly am.

its easier for me to pretend that my story isnt what it is.  that i didnt need rescuing, that im not still in need of redemption.  and that, if left to my own will… i’d end up captive.

my freedom didnt come from me.  and as hard as it is to my arrogant, ignorant and blissfully prideful self, its the truth.

my story matters.  because it was when i was broken, homeless, captive.  a slave.  when i was a slave, He came for me.

and when i forget that, when i chose to pretend i didnt need saving… i end up lost.

i realize that a house, success, a job, family, they’re all amazing and wonderful things.  but when you lose that view of life, that point of view that comes when one is driven to their knees in need, when you lose that point of view, the value of all those wonderful things fades.  we lose what they are truly worth when we lose where we came from.

ive been wrong. i lost that point of view.  and somewhere along the lines, i traded trust, for a sense of self capability. ive done my best to convince myself that im ok.  that i can handle it.  and that im ok doing this alone.

Father, i need to trust you.  i know i do.  i want my heartbeat to echo yours.  i want to be driven to my knees again.  i want my heart to break when yours does.  i need rescue.