its not very easy to start a post about this subject. much less a conversation with anyone. but its still something that beats at the very core of my being.

romance. or more accurately, love.

i watched the Truman show today, and i realized something. i realized that there is this quiet yearning in my being for what Truman had. someone to fight for.

there is this deep knowing that there is something, some… one worth fighting for. this knowing that a battle isnt a bad thing, in fact, its a very good thing. fighting for something only increases ones understanding of the value of what you’re fighting for.

i want someone to love. to fight for.

there is this knowing inside of me. thats more true than the lies i hear, and those i tell myself. that is deeper than the pain of history, and past experiences. there is this knowing that speaks volumes in the silence. this knowing that says that some things are worth the risk.

some… one. is worth loving with all i am.

is worth looking like a complete idiot for.

is worth the risk of the biggest rejection of ones life.

is worth the pain, the hurt and the fear that comes from looking at this person, and knowing that to love them they way they need to be loved, one needs to face their own demons.

yes, there is risk, and the possibility of falling flat on ones face. and i could be totally wrong. but sometimes, you’ve just got to do something

there are dances to be danced. memories to be made. a life, together, to be lived.

….

my fear? is that i’ll never be enough. that i’ll never be good enough, or strong enough, or stable enough… to offer that love to someone. that

‘i don’t care of the earth crumbles under my feet i. will. still. love. you.’

love.

the simplicity and complexity of the Christian is that we’re nothing without His unconditional love. we’re empty, broken, void of good. that without Him, and His love – we are nothing.

and its in those moments, watching the moon disappear behind the clouds. watching the sunset… or the stars on a brisk winter night. its in those moments when we feel our smallest, that we realize how much we need that unconditional love.

and how we yearn to give it away.

how we are designed to live this life with others. in close fellowship.

we’re a people of second chances. we’re a people of mistakes, brokenness, and failure. and yet through all that, Christ still sees something in us that He loves. unconditionally.

beyond the desire for romance, i want that gift. to see people as He does. with eyes of unconditional love. with eyes that see beyond the sin, the pain, the brokenness… and see the value of what He placed in them.

….

its how i want some… one, to see me.

and its how i want to see them.

dear Lord, make it so.

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