its a scary moment when the veil is pulled back, and we’re allowed to gape at the sheer depravity that can live inside our own souls.

when we realize, even if only a fraction, of the blackness that can live inside a ‘good’ person, we realize how desperate of a people… no, wait.  I learn how desperate i am.

how i am literally… i am nothing.

without Christ, i am nothing, and would be nothing.

and more so now than ever, i need Him.  all of Him.

we will never know the depths of the Love of Christ until we allow ourselves to peer into the depths of the blackness inside of us.  its terrifying.  like the slightest bump would knock me over the edge, and i’d drown in the black. but its in seeing that, that we see how much we need Him.  its not that i needed Him more now, today, than i did yesterday… i’m just more aware of it.

of how much i need grace.  and of how, without Him – i am nothing

Lord, my words fail to speak of what im feeling.  of how much i know i need You.  and of how much im crying out for You.  for  Your grace, for Your touch, for You.


come and change, own, lead, guide, heal, correct, be God in my life.  again.