there are days that flash by.

work, eat, sleep, repeat.

we tend to convince ourselves that this life, this wash, rinse, repeat existence is life.  that working hard, and enjoying the benefits thereof, are all that life offers.

if we’re not careful, and if we insulate ourselves enough, months if not years will fly by cocooned in this existence.  and suddenly you’re in your thirties with a wife, 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, and you realized you insulated yourself into never living life.  you never chose the hard things, you never pulled back the satin finish to see what was underneath.  you never cried out for the healing of the hurts you wish were never there.  you never asked… wept, that your heart would break, for what breaks His.

you never gave your all, and as a result… life will never give you everything.  you’ll have a safe, content existence.

i dont want that existence.

then there are days that give you pause.  and remind you that there are still hurts that need healing.  that i’m not perfect.  that this grace i so oft lose sight of, is what keeps me.  what holds my head above water.  what has made me who i am.

there are days you catch sight of….. one whom at one time meant something to you.  and your gut reaction betrays the lie you’ve been telling yourself.  that you’re ok.  that you dont still hurt. maybe its a parent, or an ex girlfriend or boyfriend.  maybe its the betrayal suffered at the hands of the closest of friends. whatever it is, however deep the pain, if we dont want that insulated life, we must force ourselves to pull back the satin finish.  and see the ugly stains beneath.

we must face our hurts, our pains… if we want to live more than just a safe existence.

i have tough questions i need to face.  and the fact that i excel at avoiding them, is a skill i wish i’d never obtained.  but i this quiet Voice, is telling me that this is it.  that this is the time.  that there wont be another moment like the one i have now.

i must face my hurts, my pains, if i want to live more than just a safe existence.  if i want to love my future wife with my all.  if i want to serve, work, give, worship and love with all i am…. then i must open all of who i am to the One who can heal.

Passion – The Heart of Worship

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