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may Your wonders never cease
may Your Spirit never leave
may we ever long to see Your face
when we’ve turned from You again
oh how quickly we forget
may we be reminded of Your grace
may Your wonders never cease
ok, so my last post isnt cohesive. its very much “me” centered and it has nothing to do with anything of eternal value. im not saying that any of the previous post was “right”…it was simply honest
im sorry…
Lord i dont know where im walkin
but ill take it day by day
and ill hold Your hand
and You will lead the way
and i know that Your love is unfailing
i know Your grace is so amazing
i know even though my faith be shaken
i still know, ill never be forsaken
because Your always faithful… i know
within the past 4 days, my plans for christmas have changed probably as many times.
first, i wasnt headed down to texas for the holidays…
then, i was.
then i wasnt so sure…
then it was january
now were looking at february or march
i dont know. i just dont know anymore.
Take this blindfold off of me
I’m walking but I cannot see
Mysteries fly at my feet
The answers come with no relief
tonite, my prayer… is one that i feel ive forgotten how to pray. its a simple prayer. a prayer of surrender.
Take this blindfold off of me
I’m crawling, grabbing, breathing for the way I can see
Hold me, take me, run with me, I know you’ll ignite
A battered flame that once was bright
even though i didnt do the research, i have a feeling i had a post from last year with a title very close to that. hmm, ill have to do some digging.
anyway…. it is official by the way. i wont be heading down to texas for Christmas this year. the money for the plane ticket is readily available. the time off was all lined up… but when your mom and sis work in retail… guess what bucko, there is no way they’re getting the week after Christmas off…. so ill be headin down in mid-late jan.
i was all set and ready to launch into how crappy that was gonna be… not having seen my mom for more than a year. and how much it sucks to have spent yesterday and today cooped up indoors with a massive chest cold. or to be what was probably one of the few caring voices… and probably the only voice from immediate family, that my dad heard today….
i was going to launch into how i havent really allowed myself to enter into the whole “holiday/christmas/thanksgiving” spirit. maybe its because ive not yet allowed myself to digest the fact that i wont be home for christmas this year. maybe its because my mom seems to be takin it just a little harder that i had hoped. maybe its just cuz life can sometimes suck.
i wanted to… i wanted to go ballistic and wear my heart on my sleeve and maybe even cry while i pounded out the pages of my heart onto the web for all to see….
i wanted to, but i couldnt…. for you see… once upon a coughing, hacking, stuffy nose, achy, sneeze trip to wegmans on a rainy thanksgiving day in 2003… i saw something that changed my outlook.
i was waiting with the groceries while someone went and got the car… and as with any major supermarket on thanksgiving day, i was doing my best to dodge harried shoppers with long lists, or overladen shopping carts. but something stopped me.
slowly moving through the parking lot with a glaringly few items in the shopping cart… graying hair… almost white… slight in stature… and with eyes that belayed much more sorrow than my eyes have seen… was an elderly woman. her stature, her pacing, every little thing about her screamed that she was spending thanksgiving day alone.
and i realized at that moment something thats been unfolding to me all day. i have a tremendous amout to be thankful for this year.
heidi – simply, you’re my life saver. my bestest friend ever. id be lost, and much sicker, without you. i am thankful… for you.
k8 – in a world of very few noble people – you’re my hero. i am thankful… for you.
val – you’re what i would apsire to become if i was a 20something black woman. i am thankful… for you.
courtney – you’re what pen pals are supposed to be made of, and what women of God should aspire to be like. i am thankful… for you.
and the list goes on. unlike that lady, i have a family. albeit messed up, ive still got em all. ive got an apartment. and clothes on my back. and ive got friends who would give up there entire thanksgiving day to stay with a sick pip.
come to think of it guys… bill gates, and all his billions… has nothing on what ive been given.
so to each of you, wether you read my blog often, or just random acrossed me…
i am thankful for you.
and finally…
i will be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams.
my cry tonite
be my hiding place…..
Lord prepare me
to be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
and with thanksgiving
i’ll be a living
sanctuary
for You
come and make my heart Your home
come and be everything i am and all i know
search me through and through
till my heart becomes a home for You
let everything i do
open up the door for You to come through
and that my heart will be
the place where You want to be
the road ahead is less clear than ever. at least, it seems that way.
Lord, You know my path. You know my heart. lead me and guide me in the way You have for me. help me to humble myself and move in the directions You want. take my heart and let it be consecrated only to You.
Jesus, take my life and lead me on.
revolution
can you feel it?
revolution
can you hear it?
its the revolution cry….
i spent this evening rediscovering images from an event in my life i will never forget.
i unearthed a box in my apartment that held photos of OneDay2000. wow.
so long ago.
when the lost find the name were believing in
and the fallen get back onto their feet
and the broken start to dream again
and the sound of hope fills these streets…
you’ll know its here
the changes in my life. and in my heart.. will only continue as far as i allow. and what i need…
is change. drastic.
new birth.
i need to be broken… and i need to start dreaming again.
im falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus You’re love is all im living for….
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 