im falling on my knees
offering all of me
Jesus You’re love is all im living for….
6 months….
happy anniversary.2 years.
its been 2 years already.
2 years ago today, my family left. two years ago, my life unexpectedly and forever changed.
two years ago – i spent the day doing things that made me feel – independent.
today – i spent the day doing things with two of the people in my life whom i now consider family.
its amazing… absolutely amazing how much can change in two years.
but im choosing – to look forward. not back. to His promises. and not my failures. to His strength in my weakness. to His future. and not my own. to His redeeming love. and not my unloveability.
im looking – to Him.
No one answered. The noon-bell rang. Still no one spoke. Frodo glanced at all the faces, but they were not turned to him. All the Council sat with downcast eyes, as if in deep thought. A great dread fell on him as if he was awaiting the pronouncement of some great doom that he had long foreseen and vainly hoped might after all never be spoken. An overwhelming longing to rest and remain at peace by Bilbo’s side in Rivendell filled all his heart. At last with an effort he spoke, and wondered to hear his own words, as if some other will was using his small voice.
‘I will take the ring.’ he said, ‘though I do not know the way.’
so maybe i don’t have a “ring” so to speak – to carry. i do, just like frodo, have a calling. a road i must walk.
and again, just like frodo, i do not know the way.
Father, i am sorry. i’ve wandered from my path. ive compromised.
forgive me?
i need You now, in my life.
i need You to guide me. the way isnt very clear right now. help me to trust You.
help me to love You the way i once did.
show me Your path, and help me to walk in it.
Lord, You have my heart
and i will search for Yours
Jesus take my life lead me on
so i sit at the end of the day. in a way, the end of a very long weekend.
i know i mentioned the major things that happened… wisdom teeth, dad coming, dad being here, dad leaving.
anyway, its interesting how much a few weeks can change ones life.
today… if my memory serves me correctly is my parents anniversary. or… would that be “was” my parents anniversary.
im not sure if ive got the dates right… but yeah. its this month anyway.
on another note, there is one person specifically that i need to thank.
my bestest friend was with me through all of this weekend. she drove me to the oral surgeons… drove to wegmans… dealt with my pain filled grunts and the frustrations of the novacaine wearing off way to early..
she reminded me to take my meds, and made sure i had enough ice packs, gauze, chicken soup, pudding and ice cream. more than was i could have asked for actually.
and ya know what? that only scratches the surface..
she’s been the reason – and in a lot of situations over the past 2 years – the only reason i made it through a lot of things.
i dont thank her enough for the friend she has been.
for the reflection of Christ she has shown.
for the love she has poured out.
or for the selflessness she has expressed in putting her own wants and desires aside to follow the will of her Father.
i know, without any shadow of doubt, that a good part of who i am today – is because of what she has been in my life.
skipper…. for whenever you read this – may it bring joy to your heart knowing your life has forever impacted mine.
may you rest under the incredible peace of His grace.
and may you soar on the wings of His love for you.
i love you.
i remembered again today… why it is that i dislike watching people leave my apartment. its not the actual leaving… as much as it reminds of of airport terminals.standing at the door to my apartment, watching a loved one walk down the hallway… they make a turn for the stairs and in a moment… they’re gone. and in all honesty, you never truly know when you will see that person again.
tomorrow – ill have to do that. only this time – it will be the airport. and not just my apartment door. this time, it wont be 10 minutes that seperate us. this time, it will be 1700 miles.
this time… all over again.
my wisdom teeth came out friday afternoon. and im doin ok. its now been 4 and a half days. im not bleeding anymore. i had my first actual (be it all soft foods) meal this evening. see, my dad flew in. major surprise. was not expecting it.
shocked would have been how i felt on friday nite when i got the message he was due in less than 24 hours. not only had the novacaine worn off, but my dad – whom i had not seen in nearly a year – was coming to town.
and now, only 3 days later. he is leaving.
again.
“Have you often been to Rivendell?” said Frodo.
“I have” said strider, “I dwelt there once, and I still return when I may. There my heart is, but it is not my fate to sit in peace.
so much changes. in such a little time.
pray for me guys…
had all four wisdom teeth removed earlier today….
so yeah…
thanks:-)
i think, for the nite tonite… i will just leave with a quote i read today.
it seems to fit.
in all honesty it could just be one of those points in a friendship where u just have to let someone hurt u and trust that your friendship will (or already has) allowed u the safety of doing the same
Proverbs 27:5-6
Better is open rebuke than hidden love.
A wounds of a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
I hope ive been the type of person that allowed my friends the right to wound me… Im only making this connection as i write – but without trust, our friends can not honestly look into our lives and say and do the thigns that will ultimately do us good.
without trust, our friends can not wound us.
for the longest time, i lived in a world where i trusted almost no one.
and consequently, ive made decisions over the past 2 years that im not proud of. decisions that impacted me as a person. and quite possibly, my future. ive made decisions i will forever have to live with.
there was no one speaking into my life, no one with the authority, the place the trust, to wound me when i needed to be wounded.
and although i can point the finger at many people i feel dropped the ball, ultimately, it is solely my fault.
so now i stand before you…. not sure if ive wounded friends i care about deeply. certain however, that if i have – that the wounds were not out of love, but out of a betrayl of the trust they placed in me.
and not just a trust between 2 friends… but a sacred, holy trust that was established long before my walk in this earth.
when trust is betrayed, the next step may not be love… it may, in all honesty, be rebuke.
once that line is crossed, once that trust is betrayed…. the wounds are no longer trustworthy. they are destructive.
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