leave it to a bad influence to awaken me to todays song of the day:
Angel – Sarah McLachlan

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escaping one last time
it’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

as i sit and watch the remains of what im sure was a beautiful day outside…
im reminded of the little things. i still have 5 toothbrushes in a toothbrush holder that will never see use by more than just me.
sometimes its the little things that we take for granted… and sometimes, its the big things.

i dont know, todays blog is very much rambling. my heart is lying scattered around the remains of my life and absolutely nothing is making sense anymore.
this weekend begins a big prophetic meeting @ bethel… i want to be there.
im reminded of a saying i used to use… “being run over by Gods mack-truck of love“. thats when He rips you from this existence and allows you – for possibly only a moment – to catch a glimpse of His immesureable glory. and for that moment in time – all else fades away. there are no more worries… no more fears. no more unemployment. for a moment – your free. for those of you who have seen The Fast and the Furious… that would be my quarter mile. and i havent raced… in so long.
racing… requires being 100% real with God. no masks, facades, or ulterior motives… being “run over” can only happen when you come just as you are. and i can truthfully say that i dont know when the last time was i went to church as just “me”. no pretending everything was ok… or even pretending that i was ok. im sick of pretending. i want to walk …. run… into His presence… into His arms just as i am.. be real. and let Him be dad. let Him be who He is supposed to be. all i can be is me. and i hope and pray that i have the strength to simply…. be me

till tomorrow…