from what i can see, this entire life revolves around one thing.
one thing – with one main characteristic. but many names.

loss… death… destruction…

all we try and strive to obtain. all we hope and long to have. all this world revers and wars to own. all we hold dear. its nothing. we gain it all. we work. we strive. we yearn for things that will ultimately leave us. nothing we strive for on this planet can ever be fulfilling enough to make us feel complete.

we watch tv to escape our reality. but the big thing right now is reality tv. if i wanted to watch the broken hearts of people who’ve lost a friend. a loved one… i dont need to tune in to ER. i just need to look up. look at my buddy list.

ive such a desire to just blog my heart out here. to end up spilling the last 7 months to this little box on my desk thats become one of my bestest friends. i want to release it all. to know what it feels like to be alive again. to love. to feel. to hope. to yearn. to strive for something beyond what i see.

this is it. this –right here– encompasses what ive been feeling the past few months.
im sick of it.
im sick of living… for myself.

i want be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true


i want to live for something more.


all i once held dear – built my life upon
all this world revers and wars to own
all i once thought gain i have counted loss
spent and worthless now compared to this.


all the wasted years
all the many tears ive cried
trying to fill my life
tryin to bring some peace to my mind


never really knowing it was you i was longing for
till you opened my heart
and i tasted of you
now all i want is more….


its the cry of this generation
for we’re tired of the religions of man
now we are consumed
by a desire to be close to you


and the passions of this world
have nothing we’re looking for
blessed is the generation whos God is the Lord
are hearts are completely yours

ive said many times that this life i think im living isnt mine. from now on, i dont want to live it for me anymore.

– nite