it seems that no matter how many times i tell myself that ive fully realized what has taken place in my family… i havent.i spent the majority of today trying to ‘work’ simply forget the crap surrounding me. it was as if i was hit, suddenly, in the gut, with another “level” of realization.

and all of a sudden, my world stopped… again.

fast forward a few short hours and the night found myself standing 6 floors up on the roof of the parking garage. watching the city lights.

in my year of city living, i dont normally expierence fog very often, but tonite was unique. the fog was very very low. from where i was – 6 floors up – just looking across the street was somewhat obscured by the low hanging clouds. and the highrise buildings that are my neighbors? all but had dissappeard. but something else spoke to me up there…

a still, small voice…

that im trying to hold on to.

you see, just as those giant, imovable buildings were where they always were… even though i could not see them… in the same way, through the fog of grief, pain and hurt im walking through right now… there is a giant, imovable God who – though i may not see Him…

He is still there.