or so it may seem.im learning that reality may be somewhat different than the above statement.

im learning that people will very rarely ever change… anything. ever. human beings are inheirently creatures of habbit. and unless they are forced to change, like cattle herded from one field to the next… they wont.

humans are stubborn… it would seem, that they would rather stay in there safe little pasture – and choose to die of starvation – than to ::gasp:: face the threatening unknown of change and actually move to a pasture that holds the hope of food most promisingly.

very rarely will you find someone who will actually accept change gladly. and more rare still, are those individuals who will actually seek out change. wether to better themselves, or for the sake of a relationship….

and im learning, that those are the people that you consider friends. those are the people you invite into your deepest secrets. they are the ones who know most about you, even if you see them only on rare occasions. they are the ones who, when you look 10 years into the future, you know that even if you’re thousands of miles apart – you will still be in contact, if only because you know that the person on the other end of that line, will change with you… no matter what life throws your way.

people have learned that there is safety in numbers. and they will constantly cling to one another for support, for safety and for a feeling of ‘belonging’ to something. which is well, good and fine… unless life, or the Good Shepherd, is calling you to change.

for you see, the road of one who choses to change, is a lonely road. there is no denying that. because im walking on it.

i no longer fit into the “mold” of cattle anymore. i used to, i did. i used to have a normal family. live in a normal house. have a normal job in a normal suburb of a normal city. i – was one in a heard. not anymore. my family? fractured. forever. my lineage? destroyed. my house? sold. my job? gone.

and the looks on the faces of those who choose to not change… will forever be painfully burned into my memory as the faces of those who didnt know how to love.

for you see,

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails

love always protects. and to protect someone, you must be where they are. if you are not? than your love is only a good feeling… with no power.

ultimately, love means allowing someone to change. be it by there choice, or because the world they lived in was turned on end… love means allowing them to be real, and allowing them to change.

walking this path, im learning that ive only scratched the surface on love. i know ive got some wrongs that im keeping record of, and im struggling to let go.

but for now. and, for ever – i will always choose to change.

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