dont leave….

ok, ill admit it. its not easy. in fact, it sometimes takes every ounce of who i am to reach out and extend my trust… my willingness to be open… my desire to love… and be loved. its exhausting actually..

dont leave….

im trying so hard to decipher the part of “me” that is greedy and screams “its all about me” and the part of “me” that just honestly says…. “ive lost enough. honestly, ive lost everyone… and i dont want to lose anymore”

dont leave….

im not strong. i know that. ive tried for so long to simply walk this path alone. and ive realized i cant.

dont leave….

i dont know what i did to cause this. im trying to understand. im trying to learn from whatever mistakes i made to bring this all to pass.

dont leave….

but you know what? what ive worked so hard for these past 2 and a half years… ive tried to forget you…. ive tried to stop missing you. ive tried to logically do something to stop feeling the ache when you left. and the tears falling now, testify to the fact that im a complete failure.

dont lea… wait – its ok. you can leave. God be with you.

this is it. i didnt know i needed to come to this place… and of all days – today… but you’re not mine to protect. you are your own person. and beyond that, you’ve got your own life to live. so go, live it fully. may the memories of times we spent together bring you joy… and the knowing that wherever you go, you deserve to be treated like a princess… like a daughter of the King.

i pray He brings into your life people who will support you… be with you through thick and thin. people who will let you be you and love you completely and unconditionally. i pray He brings people into your life who make you happy… and ultimately, complete you.

its no longer the fact that “i miss you” or i want you back in my life…. those things dont matter… and in all honesty, they never did… i should have surrendered those feelings – and you – long ago.

am i afraid of you leaving my life? yes… but fear and freedom will never coexist.

so go. take flight in this world and never look back. and im sorry, for ever being someone who boxed you in.

you’re worthy of all the love anyone could ever pour into you… and i pray you find that.

be free.