i sit here on what is my friday night. well, saturday morning actually. 1:13am. with the thoughts of a million yesterdays swimming though my head. i seem to be caught up in the flow and my feelings are as scattered as raindrops on the grass.
before i came to ft. worth, my friends in rochester threw me a going away party. the video of which, numerous goofy goodbyes and well wishes included, arrived on my doorstep only yesterday. contained therein lies the faces of those ive loved, and those ive not seen in… wow, 3 months.
and if i was to be gut level real with you tonite, id tell you that, in all honesty, there are always a few faces that mean so much to me, that it hurts when i miss them.
ive caught myself diving into the thought proccess of asking why im here. and that, my friends, is a dangerous thought process. because, im not sure. when i left new york, i left behind so many things i loved…. and im not sure how to go about replacing them here.
running sound for instance. for those of you who dont know, i am a sound man. and i love it. my heart beats for being behind the sound board at church, concert, festival, funeral… i dont care… i just love doing it.
and ive not done it… in months.
what am i running from? maybe thats the question? maybe i should seirously look at my life and begin to move again. begin to stretch. begin to allow myself to miss the people in my life who mean so much. begin to cry. begin to heal.
maybe thats it.
maybe it is, but before that question gets answered… there are some things i need to say:
jenna – we’ve been through so much. i dont take that lightly. thank you for the video. for helping me keep my head on straight. and for the late nite random chats:-)
maran – God only knows if you even know i have a blog… but my thanks to you doesnt go for anything you’ve done, but for who you are. from the moment i met you, it was perfectly evident that you wanted God’s best for your life. that has served as an inspiration to me in so many ways. thank you.
kate – i know we’ve not kept that closely in touch, but im still thankful we were brought together as friends. you’ve walked the road im walking, and you still chose to truly live… that means so much. thank you.
and last but not least,
heidi – i miss you. so much. i hope you know that. i hope you know i pray for you. i hope you know i love you. and i hope you know i only want the best for you. thank you for being there for me no matter what. for dealing with distance and not being able to see facial expressions. for pictures, postcards and polos. for friendships, car trips, and coffee sips:-) i yove you yots!
not many things that come easy, end up being all that great. this goes out to my friends out there who are dying to live…
from the live intro of “meant to live”
-switchfoot
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 
2 comments
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August 18, 2004 at 9:44 am
kate g
pip, i’m honored to have been thanked. i wish i could give more insight and more help to you, … but it’s different for everyone, all the paths we’ve both walked, so similar and so different. and the only way to walk it is to do it, your way. … i sound like frank sinatra, ‘i did it my way’… but it is true. and you are. and you are living and choosing and growing. keep on it.
it will get easier. i know i say that all the time, but it will.
i love you pip, yots and yots.
(i miss my girls, my yittle jenna was the bestest. i’m such a dork.)
August 18, 2004 at 3:11 pm
Anonymous
hey there kiddo…no need for a thank you… thank YOU! …for your example of zealous love for the God who not only created this enormous universe, every gigantic mountain, every small itsy bitsy bug, but who also holds you very snug in the palm of His mighty yet secure hand… thank you for having faith to push through the tough stuff, for not giving up when its everything but easy, and for every part of your faith in Him to step out even just your big toe in the waters of the unknown -Hes gonna keep parting the waters to His promised land for you from there out 🙂
in the olympics yesterday the commentator mentioned that one of the atheletes was a victim of his own standards…(the gymnastic set-up was way more difficult, from the atheletes own choosing, than others in the competition, and therefore was held to a higher level in how the setup went)… with that thougth, one more thank you to you, for setting the example of a heart of a higher standard in Him. for not compromising or choosing the easy way out of things but for constantly raising the standard of your heart after Him and in your walk in this life with Him. if you only knew how proud He was of you.
~jenna