i found myself flipping through some past enteries on my blog. ended up way back in april of 2002. wow. april. here is a snippet

i guess maybe im looking for a guarentee of some sort. a promise – that my life wont end up like his*. that my marriage, will be better. and maybe, that life is worth living.
or maybe, im just looking for a promise that things wont always be like this. that life wont always hurt. and that somehow.. sometime… my family will be ok again.

(*reference to my dad)

its funny how after 2 1/2 years im still asking the same questions. still worrying about the same things. and still governing my life by these same fears.

all this time, and the fears are the same.

they wont change will they? i guess that means, its up to me.

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