It’s funny isnt it. how after all one has gone through, one can still be so passionate about protecting ones house of cards.

not only that, but we build them like there is no tomorrow. even while watching the reaming of the previous house of cards burn to the ground… we scurry around madly like mice stuck in the same maze they’ve traversed thousands of times… and even though we may know at the very deepest parts of our beings that the only thing left at the end of the maze is a victoryless piece of cheese… we still build our house of cards.

maybe the ability to rebuild them as quickly as we do stems from having seen so many of them fail spectacularly.

we structure our entire lives around the things we call dreams. and wait in fear that one day they’ll crumble and everyone will how truly desolate and lonely we are.

it amazes me that even after seeing this happen in MY life i STILL try and pretend. try and build a house of cards… and its amazing to me how angry and frustrated i get when my cards fall in the breeze.

whats really the worst… is that 9 times out of 10 the things i learn aren’t new… just the things i learned the last time i built a house of cards… and the time before that… and the time before that…

How do you pick up the threads of an old life?
How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back.
There are some things that time cannot mend, some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold.

-frodo baggins

some things in life will never be relived. even if we were able to “go back” they would never be the same.

im home. i know i am. but even still, some things have changed. namely, me. ive changed. and although this is home, and im absolutely in love with being here. being home. being with the family… i know its not forever.

certain threads of my old life are gone.

and thats ok.