i know i promised more from my weekend.  and i guess this is going to be my attempt at doing just that.

there were so many things i could mention.  so many instances of His hand moving, moments where clarity was obvious, where kairos was an understatement.  moments where His love was evident and His truth was made clear…

 moments i laughed, moments i felt joy, moments i felt pain the sadness of loss.  moments of making new memories, and moments of -for the first time- allowing myself to feel the pain of remembering.

moments of fellowship, of grace, and of seeing my friends in a whole new light.  moments of true life were scattered throughout the weekend. 

but there is one specific moment i want to focus on.  and for most of you, it may not matter, but it does for me.

as my head hit the pillow saturday night, happily crashing in the spare bedroom of a friends parents house, a prayer escaped my lips.

“lord, my mom deserves a house like this.  a house to call a home.  a house she can decorate, put up knick-knacks and have an office.  a house she can paint, and renovate, and decorate and make her own.  a house she deserves.  lord, please help us find the place you want us to call home….”

and something hit me.  thats what He wants for us.  thats His desire for the hearts of His children.

that we’d allow Him to come in, decorate, renovate and put up knick knacks.  that we’d allow Him to make our hearts, His home.  and thats what i want.  so badly. 

i sit here with tears in my eyes.  knowing full well that 6 months ago i would have never admitted some of this.  but it is what i want.

i want to hear His voice clearly.  i want to see His thumbprint in the areas of my heart where i know none exists.  i want to be the type of person who can offer his heart to this One who promises to make it only better.

and i want to be able to provide a house for my mom.  a house to put up decorations, pictures and knick-knacks.  a house my mom can call home.

and i want to have a heart, and a home, that one day maybe someone else will share.  with me.  for the rest of our lives.

when battle lines become unclear
and the waging war is all i hear
Lord sustain me with Your voice
and the choice to walk in truth

to see the Lord, the promised land
where in those sins pearly gates look bland
and what was once a pearl now sand
that blows away, in light of Him

that i might see this day
this waging war
might go away and be no more
that i might see His face
and hear Him say
Son, welcome home
the war is over