im hiding. i know i am.
sarah leaves in less than 2 months and im doing my darnedest to ignore it. to pretend its not happening. to pretend that one morning, very soon, i wont wake up to see a starbucks apron in the hallway.
im pretending that she’ll still be here. ill still get to pick on her. and i will still need to come home with three boquets when i bring home flowers.
she’s moving. she’s following her hope. she’s being brave. and shes following her dreams.
she’s leaving. and as good as following her heart is, i dont want her to go.
it seems like just yesterday i was coming home, here, texas. to be with them. to be a family. to live under the same roof. again.
and i know, life goes on. people grow, and change, and the brave ones… follow their dreams.
part of me knows that this is going to be good for her. that is is going to be for her, the next step into the awesome plan that God has for her life.
but the overprotective big brother in me doesnt want her to leave. that part of me knows i cant be ‘there’ for her. i wont be close by. car trouble, computer issues… guy problems. i want to be there for those. i do.
and i know, this is God asking me to lay her (both of them actually) down. to trust Him to care for her. and to rest in the knowing that she is safe in His arms…..
i know, i probably dont show it anywhere near as much as i should. but i love sarah, and beth more than life itself. and there isnt anything that i wouldnt do for them.
i still pray the 31st proverb over each of them.
and i will always be their big brother.
but times change. and they need to. and people grow, they need to. and the brave ones, follow their dreams.
so sarah, you have my blessing, my encouragement, and my hope…
be brave. follow your dreams.
3 comments
Comments feed for this article
February 6, 2007 at 3:22 am
ashley
soooo praying for you pip…hang in there buddy!
February 6, 2007 at 10:28 am
kate-who loves you
you’re always going to be there. it will just look and feel different. but they know you love them. i know you love them. He knows you love them. more than anything.
and even though it will be different, it will not be bad. hurt does not always equal negativity. in this case, it equals growth. which will be hard. but you and sarah will not only survive, but thrive.
i pray for you daily peej.
i miss you terribly.
i want you here. she will too. but finding your path and walking on it-whatever it is and wherever it goes, that is better.
not easier, but better.
February 7, 2007 at 11:24 am
sarahswrittenlife
Ok…so MANY different thoughts going through my mind right now.
One of them is the fact that I have been ignoring the very thing you have…that one morning, I will be able to hear the 3 voices of those I love, or get a text from you at work asking for coffee.
But let me say what I know in my heart to be true, Peej…I love you! I always will! You will always be one of the biggest focuses in my life!
You will always be a part of my life.
You will always be my Big Brother.
And although this move will put miles between us, it will not put miles between our relationship.
I KNOW this time apart is a good thing. It will give us the chance to grow, to heal, to allow God to bring out the gifts He has placed in us.
This is YOUR time Pj. Time for you to grow. Time for you to heal. Time for you to grab a hold of the dreams that are in your heart and run after them. Time for you to begin to believe the truth about who you REALLY are.
Not what the man who is our father told you you were. Pj, you are SO much more than that!
We all have are things to face. Our sins to work through, our wounds to heal.
I pray that my time away from here will give you the opportunity…no, will open the door…for growth within this family.
Each of us have to grow up…have to change…have to become our own persons and follow what God calls us to do…that is the ONLY way to live life fully.
But, that will only bring us closer.
I look forward to seeing you fly, Pj!
To see you jump after your dreams, knowing that the arms of un-failing love are surrounding you.
I know that it will be only a short time we will be apart.
I don’t think I will be the only Sweeney in NY for much longer.
🙂
LOVE YOU!