i stepped out of the car the other night… it was a normal evening.  nothing had ‘happened’.  no major life events..  and i realized something.

i realized that i have so much to be thankful for.

so often i just rush through my day.  the morning is a blur while i wait for coffee to kick in.  the day simply rushes by in a haze of spreadsheets, reports and meetings.  and by the time i get home, all i want to do is relax.i’m not complaining.  i’m not.  i have so much to be thankful for.

i have a family that has been through hell, and although we’re kinda odd, we’re still together.  and we still love each other.

ive got friends all over the country.  friends i know would drop everything to be with me if i needed it.  friends to whom i dont say ‘thank you’ enough.  friends like kate, april, jenna, ash and wendy.  and thats just the short list.

i dont tell my family how much it means to be able to see them on a daily basis.  i almost force myself to forget that, for a very long time, i couldnt do that.

i dont tell God how thankful i am for how much He has done for me.  how thankful i am for how much rescuing i truly needed.

i dont.  and i should.

i think, part of my issue with honestly giving thanks is that it, in a way, makes me realize how much more there is that i still want to see.  still want to achieve.  how much living this life, right now, here in texas is not all that i want.  i am not living my dreams.  im not.  and in so many ways, im not even chasing them.

i know the next few months are going to bring about change.  and if im totally honest with you, id prefer to simply go to work, and live out this life like nothing was going to be any different.  i find security in routine.  i do.  routines give me a feeling of control.

but dreams…. dreams are not about control.  dreams force you to throw aside your fears.  to look impossibility in the face and declare at the top of your lungs that impossible is nothing.  dreams force you to see what you dont want to see.  maybe youre not following your dreams.. that you, in a sense, gave up on them, when you should have stubbornly held on.

dreams bring life into focus.

When Christ called his first disciples… he chose fishermen.  he didnt chose the well educated, the well-off or the well-to-do.  when Christ looked for his core group, his generals, his… special forces unit… he chose fishermen.

the statistics have not changed.  not in more than 2000 years.  being a fisherman, espically an alaskan crab fisherman, is still the most dangerous profession you can have.

policemen, firemen, bomb squad technicians and body guards… all are less dangerous professions.

why did Christ chose fishermen?  what did he see in them?

honestly… i dont know.  was it their dreams?  was it the determination in them do get the job done no matter what?  what did they posses that so attracted Christ that they were his first?

i want to dream again.  i want to hope again.  i want that feeling of flying to be alive and burning inside of my soul.  i want to prepare for whats next, to be so excited with hope that i cannot sit still.  i want to live this life… like it is truly worth living.

i want, i want to be the type of man that Christ sees as a ‘first wave’.  i want to be in His core group.  i want to hear his voice calling out to me saying “follow me”.  and i want the guts, the balls to drop everything, dream, and follow him.

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