life is calling.

me.

and for the first time in a long time, im beginning to listen.

i dont know what the future holds; or 6 months from now, what it will look like… but i know that change is coming. i can sense it.

my office moved over the weekend. my sisters leave in 2 weeks. and my future seems unsure. no, let me rephrase that. i know my future is sure. it is. im just beginning to open my eyes to what is coming.

—-

i sit here before you, and i am still alive. i am still breathing. 6 years after the world fell apart and i am still here.

ive got so much i want to write, so much i want to share, so much that is pressing on my heart… but for probably the 4th time in as many nights, i just dont have the words.

i will say this much; in my previous post, i talked about finding life. i’m realizing – im not done yet. life isnt through with me, and i sure as heck am not through with life.

yes, there are still doors in my heart that need to be opened. paths of forgiveness, of grace, and of utter brokenness that need to be walked. there is still restoration needed, and there is still a cry for hope.

—–

i wonder if the disciples felt it. i wonder if they heard the distant rumbles, the indiscernible calling of something more… of life. just outside of their grasp, just over the horizon. i wonder if they just knew there was something more. something that they day-in day-out wasn’t fulfilling.i believe they did. i believe they were looking for what was next, and when Life asked them to follow… there was no reason to look back. because they had made their decision long ago. they followed…. and the world changed.

i’m sure there will be challenges. and there will be mistakes. and many more ups and downs than i care to imagine, but its precisely those moments that remind me that i am still alive. it is the frustrations at work, the longer commute, the dirty dishes sitting in the sink… it is the day-in day-out circumstances that remind me that life is meant to be more. that there is still more out there, that life is out there. and i will find it.

because now, i am looking.

you have walked so deep a canyon
deep a canyon now
and in the end you know that you’ve been found
been found

heaven sure fell hard upon you
hard upon you now
and in the end you know that you’ve been found
you’re found

oohhh, you belong now
ohhhh, you are free
so open wide the arms you’re given
you’re too alive to just stand still
open wide the heart as you breath in
you’re too alive to just stay here

you wondered how your searching heart
your searching heart would roam
coming to the place that you call home
you’re home

oohhh, you belong now
ohhhh, you are free
so open wide the arms you’re given
you’re too alive to just stand still
open wide the heart as you breath in
you’re too alive to just stay here

you’re shaken up
awaken
you gotta live
you gotta love

so open wide the arms you’re given
you’re too alive to just stand still
open wide the heart as you breath in
you’re too alive to just stay here

Future of Forestry
‘Open Wide’
twilight