a boy years to know that he is prized…

without this bedrock of affirmation, this core of assurance, a man will move unsteadily through the rest of his life, trying to prove his worth and earn belovedness through performance or achievement, through sex or in a thousand other ways. quite often he doesnt know this is his search. he simply finds himself uncertain in some core place inside, ruled by fears and the opinions of others, yearning for someone to notice him. he longs for comfort, and it makes him uneasy because at thirty-seven or fifty-one shouldnt he be beyond that now? a young place in his heart is yearning for something he never received.
-the way of the wild heart

i dont know where you’re leading me God. and for the first time in a long time, i feel a familiar stirring in my heart. i so want to hope. i so want to know freedom again. i so want to run into all that you have for me.

beyond that, i want to feel safe, in your arms.

i want to know, beyond all doubt, that i can be safe in your arms. that i can run to you. i know intimately what it feels like, to be the prodigal son… and feel so unworthy of the Fathers House… and for so long, ive not allowed you to come to me.

God i never learned how to be a son. i never knew what it meant. i need you to show me…

find me in the river
find me on my knees
ive walked against the water
now im waiting if you please

we’ve longed to see the roses
but never felt the thorns
and bought our pretty crowns
but never paid the price

find me in the river
find me there
find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
even though Youre gone
and im cracked and dry
find me in the river
im waiting here

find me in the river
find me on my knees
ive walked against the water
now im waiting if you please

we didnt count on suffering
we didnt count on pain
but if the blessings in the valley
then in the river i will wait

find me in the river
-delirious