i stood outside carey dorm last night. only minutes from leaving my two ‘little’ sisters at school. for the first time. ever.

carey is a girls dorm, and as it was almost 10pm, guys were not allowed inside. so we men stood outside and waited. i ended up chatting with a father who was waiting for both wife and daughter. they were from ohio and this was their first time actually seeing the campus. as we chatted, he mentioned that i didnt look old enough to be a dad, i told him i was the older brother, he smiled and we moved on.

somehow, during the course of the 2 minute conversation, i mentioned how much i felt that this was so very much the next chapter in both of my sisters lives. how the past 6 years had been rough, how dad had left etc… i wasnt looking for pity, or acceptance, or acknowledgment… i was simply sharing, on a very surface level, an extremely brief snippet of what life had been like.

and then he thanked me, for standing in the gap.

the truth is, i would never have chosen to do this. i dont feel worthy, or capable of that call. i would never have chosen to be the only male of my family seeing both of my sisters off as freshman. entering into the next phase of the awesome life God has in store for them.

in a perfect world, my father would have been there. but he wasnt, i was.

and the truth is, i dont honestly feel that i am standing in the gap. maybe because i always thought that someone who stood in the gap was supposed to know they were capable of that calling. they were supposed to be certain of their abilities, and their strengths. and, in a way, were supposed to repair and repay what had – for so long – been stolen.

and maybe, in a way, thats the actual truth. i dont have the ability to repair or repay. but we serve a God who promised to do just that.

maybe, im not the one standing in the gap. He is. and maybe He always has been. Fathering them. Fathering us. Fathering me.

im not perfect. far from it. but as i stood there, i knew that moment was special. i knew that it would never be relived. i knew that the night previous, was probably the last night we spend all living in the same house. and somehow, it was all ok.

im learning that hope and surrender come hand in hand. and if one truly wants to find hope, they will -always- find the call to surrender.

i realized in that moment that hope was being birthed. that in the midst of tears, and the memories of the past… wings were stretching… visions were being raised, and my sisters were beginning to fly.

and the call to surrender was there. as it is here now. calling me, to let them go. to let the Father who has always been there, always be there. because i wont be. i cant be. i will try, but i cannot promise. but He can. and the thing is, He did. He promised.

so its with that promise, that i do surrender.

sarah and beth, may you find yourselves lost in who Christ is, in all of His love for you, and in the hope of a future assured. a future, certain. a future that is bright and amazing and beautiful.

go.

run.

be free.

and live life.

i love you.