i think i’ve spent a good portion of the past few weeks running.  filling my days with work, and household stuff, and other ‘really important’ things.

when you grow up without a father who actually played the role of one worthy to be called ‘dad’, you’re view of the Heavenly Father becomes skewed.  you learn mistrust more than you do trust.  and to fear authority, rather than rest in the truth that its there for a reason.  you learn to be ‘ok’ on your own, instead of resting in the simple knowing that ‘dad’ would never leave.and ive been running from that.  from dealing with that.  from even admitting its happened.  but it has.  its there every time i try to worship.  every time i open my bible.  every time i go to pray…. its there.

moses didnt really have a ‘dad’ during the most important years in his life.  early in his life he found himself an outcast.  he went from next-in-line to the throne of the greatest kingdom on earth, to an enemy of that kingdom.  and for the next 40 years he wandered.  but it was during that wandering that the call was birthed in him.  he learned how to be a shepherd.  he didnt have a father, but even during that time, he was being fathered.

and maybe thats where i find myself tonight.  tending my own little world in the desert.  and honestly, feeling alone.  im learning that life isnt always what we expect it to be.  that joy can be found even in the midst of the mundane.  and that pain is sometimes God’s way of letting you know that He’s not quite done yet.
moses knew he was called.  he knew he had a purpose.  that destiny was birthed in him.  he knew that there was something specific he was created to do…. and even in his years in the wildness, even in the midst of circumstances that never remotely resembled the calling he knew he had… he never gave up.  the dream was in him.

what he may not have realized, was that this wilderness was his training… his proving grounds.  this is where moses was fathered.  so he could be a father to a hurting nation.  this was where moses learned the heart of a saviour, so he could communicate that heart to a people starving for love.

sometimes it takes moments like this, with just the sounds of a piano playing, to remind us that there is a God.  and that He is intimately familiar with our circumstances.  that no matter our drug of choice, no matter whatever we use to dull the ache, that He is still there.  waiting, willing, and more than able to take that ache away.  to awaken us to real, full life.

moses found his calling – while in the wilderness.

i pray i dont miss mine.