i think we live our lives based around them, even if we dont even notice.

we’re inherently creatures of habit.  we do things the same way, every day.  your morning routine?  its the same, i can almost guarantee it.  for me?  i wake up, make the bed, let the dog out, make coffee… its always that routine.  if i deviate, i forget to make coffee, or something else vital falls by the wayside.

my point, we live our lives based on themes.  habits.  things we’ve done before.  things we rely on.  and for better or worse, we dont like change.

i think the author of this story does His best to throw us curve balls.  to get us to lift our eyes above the two dimensional lives we so often live, and realize that above us is this amazing sky filled with stars.  to realize that letting the dog out and making coffee every morning isn’t all that there is.

that there are reasons for the responsibilities we’ve been given.  even if we dont understand them.  and that its ok we’re still searching for whatever it is we know our heart beats for.  that, even now… there is someone else out there asking the same questions you are.  and that saving who you are, and all you have, for that one… is worth it.

i think the Author, if He could, would tell us that our tears are precious.  that the questions we ponder when its just us and our pillows… that He’s already got the answers to them.  i think He’d tell us that there is a huge, wide world out there just waiting for us.  that this life He created is aching for us to live it, as much as we ache to fully experience all that there is.

i think He’d say that, that its ok to keep questioning. and that its ok to feel.  to hurt, and cry and be honest and real with who we are.

because if there is a Author, then we know this story has another chapter coming.  that clock punching and coffee making are temporary.  and that the pain of fixing what is wrong now, will be less than the pain of never changing.

so wherever it is you find yourself tonight, i hope you find healing in your pain.  and a meaning in the name of this Author.

because if there is a sky blanketed by stars, then im going to hope and believe that there are whole chapters waiting to be written.  that this road before me isnt all there is.  and that things will change.  soon.

i’m trusting Him.  even though i dont understand.  I’m still going to trust.

for tonight:
Stavesacre – Wither/Ascend

someday my ashes will return to earthly slumber
spread far and wide across the desert and the sea
until then i will live each day in awe and wonder
and look forward to each sunrise