i found myself stumbling down memory lane.   not so much memories of what was, but of what could have been.  had decisions been different.  had i been someone in a different place, a different time, many years ago.

and i found myself wondering if she would have been mine.  would we, could we have wound up together?

i’m not obsessing.  im not.  because i havent thought of this person in some time.  but she popped up on my facebook.  and i remembered how sweet her spirit was, how honest and sensitive her heart was.  and i wondered.

my heart broke as the realization came that more than likely, she had in some ways, abandoned her faith.  she had found her solace, in a man.  and although i am thrilled for her.  i hurt too. because of what she may be missing.  and because in so many ways, i am just like her.

how often do i settle for less than His best?  or concede things i should fight for?

would i have fought for her?

when i meet the her im supposed to meet, will i fight for her?  will i fight to keep her safe?  to protect her honor and valor?  to defend her relationship with the Author of this story?  will i be a man who protects and cherishes her heart?  or will i be a point of concession?  a footnote in the story?

love confuses me in so many ways.  but i believe that’s a good thing.  there is a supposed to be mystery, suspension.  something there that doesnt quite make sense but is beautiful and breathtaking and terrifying all at once.  love is supposed to rip you open and completely destroy what you thought was true.  love is supposed to change everything.  its was created to be the pinnacle of this story that we live.

someday, i hope i find it.  but beyond that, whomever you are out there, i pray that i will be man enough to be more than just a footnote in your story.  i pray my love for you, and for the Author of our stories, will be strong enough…. to love you for you.