i’m not saying i’m ready, or have prepared as i should have.  but i think its time.

maybe…  its actually beyond time.

part of me is terrified that i’ve missed it.  that i spent so much time living life vicariously through others, through my hero’s…. that i’ve missed my chance.  that the things i want to see, the life i want to live… that it’s passed.

what i do know, is that i’m changing.  the things that satisfied at one time, no longer do.  and that, honestly, i’m lonely.  i ache for closeness.  for the knowing smile of a friend.  the tangible presence of someone you know wont judge.

i’ve spent a large portion of the past 5 years emotionally on my own.  carrying weights i never meant to pick up.  and now, i’m wondering, how much longer.

so maybe this isnt me so much saying that it’s time… maybe this is me knowing that ive played my hand.

maybe i’m hearing the voice.  the voice that called me to this place in time nearly 5 years ago.  maybe im hearing it call me to something new.  and maybe this is the small beginning.

Third Day – Revelation

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