i’m beginning to believe that this year will be defined by my search for significance.  for meaning.  for purpose.

i dont pretend to believe that i wont face battles this year.  as many internal, as external.  i know i’ll make mistakes, there is no doubt of that.  this?  scares me.  becoming the man i want to be, becoming an (adam) scares me.  i like answers, i like having them.  i dont like stepping into situations without a plan, without having thought through the various outcomes and how i would respond to each.  it’s the control-freak part of me.  and i hate being that way.

i hope putting that out here, actually saying that i struggle with it, is a step in the right direction.

when this year draws to a close, i want to be able to say that i found my significance, my meaning, my purpose and source of strength in the One who is authoring this story.  in the One i can trust.

i’m one week into my 30th year.  and my prayer is that at the end, i will be able to say i lived a year worth living, to its fullest.  that i learned to dance, fall in love, let someone in, and let things out.  i want to stand at the end of my 30th year knowing i loved fiercely, with all i was.  that i loved unconditionally.  that i, well, simply this

i will offer up my life
in spirit and truth
pouring out the oil of love
as my worship to You
in surrender i must give
my every part
Lord, receive the sacrifice
of a broken heart

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