i was challenged earlier today.  challenged to find my _____ (whatever your need is) in the words of the Author of this story first.  before i turn to friends, family, church leadership, or close associates.  i was challenged today to find my solace, my comfort, who i am in the great I am.  to turn to His words first, and trust Him, before anything else.

the funny thing is that i know so many of these words already.  i know them by heart and can either recite them word for word, or give you a good idea of what’s being said.  the funny thing is that i’ve said these words, prayed these words, believed and spoken these words over those i am close to.  for friends, family and people i am passionate about.

i know these words as undeniable truth for my friends, for my family.  words that say that by His stripes, you are healed and that this Author is the father to the fatherless.  words that promise what our heart yearns for.

i know these words.  and because of the love i have for my friends and family, believing these words for them is easy.  i know the Authors heart because it is evident in the stories He wrote and in the stories He is writing.  i know His heart breaks when the heart of someone i care about breaks.  i know He feels it when his daughter, my friend, goes through a rough break-up.  i know He aches when one of his children is shunned.  i know how much He cares for them.  i may not fully understand or grasp how much He cares, but i dont doubt it.

but i doubt those words when it comes to me.  i doubt His love.  His dreams.  i doubt that He actually has a plan for me.

there are times when having the father i had growing up doesnt bother me.  and there are times when it seems to be an insurmountable mountain in my way.

part of me knows deep inside, that there are things a boy is supposed to learn from his father.  things that only a father can teach.  the way in which a father is supposed to help boy discover who he is as a man.  guide him through the difficult transition and into a better understanding of manhood.  fathers were meant to initiate boys into men.  they were supposed to show the boy that he has what it takes.

do i have what it takes?

maybe you’ve never asked yourself that question.  maybe you’ve never had it haunt your thoughts and dreams.  or maybe you’re like me and you understand this question intimately.  maybe youre too familiar with asking yourself that as often as i do.

that, is my greatest fear.  i dont know if i have what it takes.  do i have what it takes to be a man?  to call the girl?  do i have what it takes to woo her and pursue her and show her how much she is truly worth?  do i have what it takes to be the man i’m supposed to be?

that, is my greatest fear.  not failing, my greatest fear isnt failing.  but not having what it takes…. of not being a man.

if the challenge i was given this morning meant anything to me, if im to gain anything by the words that were so powerfully delivered, if i am to apply it to my life right now, then i need to find my ____ in the Author of this story.  in His words, and in His truth.  i need to find who i am, in His story and not the one i try to write.

i need to find me, in Him.  i need to find that i have what it takes in the Father to the Fatherless.

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