sometimes things are better left alone and other times, we need to crack open the boxes that we so neatly put our past away in, sort through the remains of a life we knew, and clear that space for a box of new memories.

it’s hard work.  it’s dusty, and dirty, and even getting to those boxes sometimes requires a lot of unpacking.  a lot of sorting through junk.  it takes effort to clear space for the good.

and yes, it is much easier to sit on the couch and bury our dreams beneath another pointless tv show, where we can watch someone else do what we’ve always wanted to to.  its easier to keep the closet door shut and live a life void of relationship, void of happiness and any real joy. it’s easier to play our video games, sit behind our laptops, sip our double mocahs and watch life pass us by.

its easier, but its not freeing.

i dont want to pretend that any one persons experience is a carbon copy of another, but i know beyond doubt that we all have boxes hidden away somewhere.  boxes that, when the time is right, we need to pull out.  take apart, deal with, and move on.

as i went through this weekend, reopening boxes closed many years ago, i realized that i was running out of space.  that as humans we have only a finite amount of room to store our memories.  and if we want to create new ones, if we want to replace the pain, the hurt, and the sadness that our past may contain, we need to pull those boxes out of the closet, expose them to the light, sort through their contents, and free up that space for memories anew.

i want to clean out these boxes, deal with the history, once for all, and move on.

i’ve realized this weekend something i am sure i’ll need to be reminded of.  that being – that i live in texas.  and beyond any other goal this year, i want to follow the Call i hear inside my heart.  the Call that has always been there.  the Call of the One who has always been there, even when i doubted.

this Call that draws me towards deeper relationships, to opening my heart and letting people in, to a future that i want to see.

a future of relationship, of joy and happiness.  a future where yes, there will be pain.  but there will be so much more than that.  a future where there is someone who i love passionately.  a future where we experience life, a future of travel and seeing things and living life to the fullest.

and as i sit this weekend and unpack boxes, i know there are many more than i can deal with in one weekend.  but i will deal with them.  i will get through them.

i no longer want to be held back by my past, defined by my mistakes or the mistakes of others.  i want to write my own story, find passion in life and dance.  my god i want to dance.

there is a girl.  and someday, i want to tell her how i feel.

but until that time, i’ll work, i’ll prepare.  i’ll live my life to the fullest i can, and clear the memories of the past for memories of the future.

i will listen to the Call,  live my life, i’ll follow my King, and i will become the man i want to be.

Passion – Awakening
like the rising sun that shines
from the darkness a light
i hear Your voice and this is my
awakening