what is it about performance that scares so many of us?  that keep us from pursuing our dreams or following what we love?  have we bought into the lie that if we cannot be the best at whatever it is we want to try, that we shouldnt try it?  why is it that we, that i believe that if i cant nail it on the first try, it’s not worth trying?

what is it about failure that we fear?  that i fear?

why can i not simply accept the fact that i am loved by a perfect God?  that i’m playing a role in my own story, and that i want it to be one worth reading?  why dont i realize that the books i read are exciting and full of life because the protagonist faces a challenge of overwhelming odds and yet doesnt turn away?

why dont i realize that it’s in these stories that the protagonist becomes the man he was meant to be, that it’s the journey as much as it is the destination that makes the story a story?  that it’s the battles, the victories, and yes, the losses, that make the story one worth telling and retelling.

without risk, without reward, without there being an overwhelming obstacle and without a reason to face that obstacle, there is no story.

tonight im faced with the challenge that in a lot of ways, i may be my own biggest obstacle.  and if we’re honest with ourselves, that may be the same for a lot of us.

yes, we can blame our parents, our upbringing, the ways we were or werent treated.  we can point to our history and share our stories and say that it’s not our fault.  but when you strip all that away, no one holds you back from your dreams with any more power than you give them.

i think the rest of this year will be me facing myself.  my own fears, fears of failure.  fears of trying new things and allowing myself to bask in the grace that is so freely given.

isnt that what life was meant to be?  loving enough to allow others to stumble?  loving them so much that the freedom of trying something new, of stepping on toes and painting outside the lines becomes the reality that you live in?

i struggle with that.  i do.

i like order and neatness and patterns.

but thats not all there is to life.

we forget that we were created.  and if we were actually created, than there was a creator.  and if there was a creator, then creativity is what literally gave us life.  we’ve forgotten that it was love, passionate overwhelming love that created us.

we’ve forgotten that creativity was the very art form that breathed life into everything we see around us.  we, you and i, are pieces of art.

and it’s that art that i want to fall in love with.  i want to fall in love with the art, the beauty that exists inside of each of us.  inside of you.  i want to fall in love with music and passion and pottery and dancing.  i want to fall in love with a creative spirit.  and i want to rediscover the creative that lives in me.

Future of Forestry – Slow Your Breath Down

this chest is full of memories
of gold and silver tears
i’ll give you more to own than all of this
and i’ll give you more than years
for you were once a child of innocence
and i see you just the same
your burdens couldnt win or lose a thing
oh i’d tell you once again
but you’re always on the run

slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your heart now, oh
you can trust in love again
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your smile now, oh
you can trust in love again

if you leave, i’ll still be close to you
when all your fears rain down
i’ll take you back a thousand times again
and i’ll take you as my own
i will sing you songs of innocence
till the light of morning comes
till the rays of golden honey cover you
in the sweetness of the dawn
but you’re always on the run

slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your heart now oh
you can trust in love again
slow your breath down
just take it slow
find your smile now oh
you can trust in love again

you’re not alone
you’re now a part of me
you feel the cure
i feel the toil it brought you