you promised that if we lay aside our life, and follow you, that we would find life.  and that this life would be abundant.

you promised that the road wouldn’t be easy, but that you’d never leave us.

you promised that the stories we would write in our lives, would be stories of immense beauty, if only we’d give you the pen.

i struggle with that.  with giving up, and letting you have control.  i dont like trust.  and its not that you’re not trustworthy, because you are.  it’s that i’m afraid.  afraid that if i let you in, let you see the dreams i hold so tightly to my heart, that they wont come true.  and the risk of losing these dreams are almost not worth letting you in.

it’s living without the sun, too afraid to go outside.  it’s standing in the eventide field, under the stars, yearning for the daylight and settling for the remnants of a day reflected in the moon.  always settling for an imitation, a reflection of the thing that gives life.   never throwing open the door, casting ones fears to the wind and running headlong into the beautiful daylight.

you said, that if we delight in you.  if we find our pleasure in you, in who you are.  in your beauty, your holiness, your plans and dreams, your precepts… if we find our life in you, then you would give us the desires of our heart.

i want you.

the life that you offer.  for me.  for those i love and care about.  i want to be a man who emulates you.  i want to be the moon, standing over someone else’s night, reflecting your light, life and love into their fields of darkness.  i want to live like you lived.  to love like you love.

because you loved first.

one sonic society – the greatness of our God