i was thinking a few days ago.  thinking about worship, and this thing called love.  and i began to understand that part of my apprehension with love in general, is the same reason that there are certain things i just wont do in public.

i wont sing.

i can stand up in front of CEO’s, Presidents, VP’s, Directors, etc. and give a presentation.  but sing?  i wont even do that in the shower.


because when i do something, i like doing it well.  very, very well.  and if i cannot do it well, then i do not want to try.

thats a dangerous way to live ones life.  living that way means never trying something new.  it means never experiencing the sheer joy of laughing at yourself.  of making a mess as you try a new recipe.  of learning to dance, and quickly realizing you have two left feet, all while making your date wish she’d worn steel toed boots.

its a dangerous way to lives ones life because we werent called to perfection, we were called to trust.  and its in the simple obedience, it’s in the simple trust that our best, not the best, will be good enough.  its in the trust that we can make a fool of ourself on the dance floor, or sing horribly off-key during karaoke, or cause food critics everywhere to cringe with our most recent creation, that we find life, and a life worth living.

we dont raise our children to believe that unless they’re the best, there is no use in trying.  when we were growing up, our refrigerators were not covered in works from Picasso, Rembrandt, Degas or Monet.  rather, they were covered with a childs expression of joy.  finger paints, crayons, markers and probably the occasional spaghetti sauce stain.

to the trained art critic?  junk.

to a parent?  priceless.

if we held ourselves to such high expectations on the only relationship that truly matters, we would never approach Him.  we would never find the grace and help that He promised, if we never step boldly into His presence.  we would never know the intimacy in worship, or the real life saving of a real life Saviour.  we would never know the creator of our Hearts, as the One who also holds them in His hands.

we would never understand how much He loved us, how much He loves us, if we never allow ourselves to come close.

and if we dont hold ourselves to such a level of perfection with God, why would we hold ourselves to that level of expectation with our friends and family?  why would we avoid them if we cannot have our facade just so?  why would we put up a front, when these are the very people who care for us?  and we care for?

we dont want that.  when we come down to the core of what we’re looking for in our relationships, we want to see the real in each other.  we want to be us, and we want to see the real person on the other side of the table.

there is a beauty in the mess.  there is grace in getting your toes stepped on.  there is freedom, in living life the way we were created to live it.


at times, disastrously.

but all the time, fully.

future of forestry – this hour

This is the life
The life of huge and small
Forces blind or they guide you to shore
You’re alive and you pour your heart like you should
I know you’d step back and see if you could
Don’t whisper, don’t wait

Sing out this hour
Sing out this restless hour
Sing out, sing out, and let it go
Sing on this time
Sing on this lovely time
Sing on, sing on, and let it go

This is the life
Your soul is just what they seek
You feel the clash but you scarcely can see
Love is alive and is pouring down like a flood
I know you’d step back and see if you could
Don’t whisper, don’t wait

It’s your turn, it’s yours now
You are free, to capture your daylight