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chapter 2.
paragraph 2.
sentence 1.
guys are stupid.
last nite – 3 characters described who i am.
this nite – 3 words.
guys are stupid.
to say that our mental processes are anywhere NEAR coherent would be a gross misinterpetation of the obvious facts. look around you. men are stupid. we live our entire lives learning that simple lesson. and although we may know it better than we know our own name- we never are able to interpet our stupid actions – or the results of them – into a positive response.
all i know – from the thousands of times that ive messed up in the past few months… is this.
there are moments, places, people… few and very far between… that cause us to change who we are. they cause us to want to better ourselves… they cause us to want to learn to trust again.
and these moments… these places… these people – are the ones worth sticking your neck out farther than you ever have before.
these people are the ones who can make you smile no matter what your goin through. these people are the ones who take your breath away. they are the ones who make you feel alive.
they are the ones that remind us that this life is worth living.
they are gifts
divine deposits into our lives from a Holy and Perfect God.
these people… are the ones we care about the most. the ones we’d do anything for. and our relationships with these people are the relationships we strive for the hardest. the ones we constantly work to better. the ones that matter the most.
because – simply put. you love that person. more than life itself. more than coffee…. more than hugs… you love that person.
and WHEN – not if – you mess up…. these are the relationships – the people… whos forgiveness we ask for first. we dont wait. we dont try to make excuses….
just a simple-
i was wrong
i am sorry
please forgive me?
thats all that we can do. we recognize that we’ve hurt this special person. and although we hate that fact… we can not change it. we simply have to ask for forgiveness.
which is what i need to do.
i was wrong
im sorry
please forgive me?
sometimes, all it takes to be inspired is a moment in time spent realizing that you’re not the only one going through hell.
sometimes, that moment of inspiration isnt anything deep or spectacular. just a realization that you’re not totally alone. their are other people on this road your walking. even when, as a wise woman once said, there arent any roadmaps when you forge your own trail… we still have people… or even one person – who cares about us enough to be real with us.
sometimes, that one person… is God.
im not 100% sure where im headin with this.
i may not be headed anywhere.
Lord take me, from this place
into a world that has no time
no hurries
no worries
gladly i leave it them all behind
i am letting go
im drawing near
i wanna sing
i wanna fly
i wanna see from Your side of the sky
i wanna love
i wanna stay
wanna be close to You
long after the music fades
Lord, i come to give You
much more than just a melody
please take me
and break me
right now -God- i dont want to leave
unchanged
i never want to be the same
i wanna sing
i wanna fly
i wanna see from Your side of the sky
i wanna love
i wanna stay
wanna be close to you
long after the music fades
You are mighty,
awesome
righteous
gracious
knowing
in me – overflowing
father
teacher
master
leader
jealous
loving
you are
thats become my new creed. i wanna sing / i wanna fly / i wanna see from Your side of the sky / i wanna love / i wanna stay / wanna be close to you / long after the music fades He is life, He is Love, He is everything Im needing.
my mind is running 100 different directions right now. im wishing i knew a method of releasing built up frustrations and anger… and at the same time – im thinkin about the quote in my earlier blog. maybe i do have some thoughts on it.
the quote can be taken @ least 2 ways. in the end, we will remember the silence of our friends. silence can be a bad thing – when our friends should have stood up and said something. or it can be a good thing. when – in an ultimate display of wisdom- your friends hold their tounges and offer friendship and love in the simplest form known to man. just “being there”.
ok. im going to stop allowing myself to stress over all the crap in my head – wishing i could get it on paper… and im just gonna crash.
nite
i pulled this off of an IM profile. it kinda struck me.
no in-depth thoughts on it though.
i think it speaks for itself
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
current time? 4am…
16 hours from me over reacting to someones attempt at being honest and real.
im not sure exactly what – if anyone – actually ever reads this blog.
but if the person i happen to be refering to does read it….
i hope they know im sorry.
and that they are loved…
to put a cap on the word of the day – i learned something today. i learned that not all inadequacy is bad. ive learned that their are types of inadequacies that are ok. and some of them, make us better people. better at loving. better friends….
its the type of inadequacy that knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that – I – have no ability whatsoever to be the type of friend.. that certain people deserve. and if i do rely on myself, i fail miserably. its the type of inadequacy that forces me to continue to fail – or to rely on a power Higher and Greater than i.
there are some things i will learn once, and never forget… and then there are things i will learn over and over… and never quite understand fully
2+2 = 4?
ill never forget…
how precious my friends are?
i will never fully grasp.
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 