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If we are honest with ourselves, we all want our stories to reflect one thing, hope. We want our lives to show an unending belief in the fact that life is worth living. We want our history to be a testament of overcoming, of victory.
We want to live on the mountaintop. And we ignore the valley.
Too many of us have bought into that lie, into the stories of endless mountaintop moments, of perfect lives flying above the storms. Too many of us believe that if we were just good enough, we would finally find completion, we would know hope because we would know what we were hoping for.
That isn’t real life.
Last weekend I stumbled across a stack of old postcards lying scattered in a box in the back of an antique shop. As I thumbed through them looking for artwork that would catch my eye, something else made me pause and start over. I began to read the letters, the messages on the back of the cards. There were more than thirty, each dated from the early 1940s. And each one penned by Private Divis, opened with Darling or Dear Sweetheart and was sent to a Ms. Jennie nee Garnik of Chicago, Illinois.
They were love letters, letters of hope.
Sometime in 1944 they were married. They stayed married, to each other, up until Mrs. Jennie Divis’ death in 2007.
Sixty three years of marriage.
I would love to believe that once they were married, they hopped from one mountain peak to another, each more beautiful than the last. But real life tells me that in sixty-three years of marriage, they faced hardship, pain, and the loneliness of the valleys. I would like to tell myself that the young love I heard whispered between the words of each post card carried them through those years, kids, careers and life with a sense of ease, but I know differently.
And so do you.
Tomorrow
Tomorrow, Christianity pauses to remember a moment in time that rewrote our stories. And again, I am tempted to paint this memory, this remembrance with the quiet pastels that permeate this season. But in doing so, the bloody reality of what took place over 2000 years ago is lost. Tomorrow isn’t about bunnies, ducklings and little baby chicks. Tomorrow isn’t just the celebration of life, but of a life lived in sacrificial love. A life lived perfectly, because we were imperfect.
Tomorrow, we remember the death of a Saviour and mans first taste of salvation.
Tomorrow we will read the first of many love letters written to you and I more than a millenia ago.
Promises
And as I sat there and read those postcards, and as I read the story we celebrate tomorrow, I hear the same message. We were never promised lives full of mountain peaks and empty of valleys. We were promised however, that we would never walk this path alone.
We were never promised a life void of pain and heartache, but we were promised that if we followed this Saviour who lived perfectly and died in our stead, we would find our true life, real life, abundant life.
I am following Him, Christ. Because more than anything, that is the life I want. I want to know that one random Saturday in the year 2074, someone will be walking through an antique shop and will find my postcards, love letters, letters of hope to my future wife.
And I pray that they will reflect a hope greater that my own. Not because my story was one filled with the pinnacles of life, but because I have found the life, the One I was hoping for. I found abundant life.
Earlier this week I received an email from a friend that shook me.
We’ve known each other for years and simply fell out of touch. We only reconnected a few weeks ago and as I read her email, my heart broke.
Although I glimpsed only a shadow of what she had fought through, the pain and heartache she endured, I could see clearly that something had changed. There was something new, something that didn’t exist the last time she and I talked.
There was deep hope.
There was this rare, amazing beauty.
There was a strength in her words, tempered steel behind her eyes and in her voice, and a profound confidence in her heart and her God that was beautiful, matchless, and radiant.
And in that, I began to hear the echoes of an ageless truth.
God restores.
As I read and reread the email, I could see it. I could see restoration was there, healing was there. Through the pain and the hell she fought through, the plan was always restoration. Restoration of her heart, of her life and the life of her son.
I will always question why we have to face the battles we do, why horrible things happen to amazing people and why God sometimes seems so distant. But in each battle and in spite of the many questions, I am beginning to see the same truth. The heart of a Father, her Father broken far beyond anything I could ever understand. And through the breaking of His heart, love flows.
A perfect love from a perfect God loving an imperfect person perfectly.
And in that love, restoration. The plan was and is always restoration.
.
Hillsong United – Take Heart
Our God Reigns by Delirious just started and I’m stuck, unmoving beyond today’s devotional from John Eldredge:
Every woman is in some way searching for or running from her beauty and every man is looking for or avoiding his strength. Why? In some deep place within, we remember what we were made to be, we carry with us the memory of gods, image-bearers walking in the Garden. So why do we flee our essence? As hard as it may be for us to see our sin, it is far harder still for us to remember our glory. The pain of the memory of our former glory is so excruciating, we would rather stay in the pigsty than return to our true home. We are like Gomer, wife of the prophet Hosea, who preferred to live in an adulterous affair rather than be restored to her true love.
We are the ones to be Fought Over, Captured and Rescued, Pursued. It seems remarkable, incredible, too good to be true. There really is something desirable within me, something the King of the universe has moved heaven and earth to get….
If your heart skipped a beat, if your soul ached when you read Johns devotional, then you are like me. You know there is more. And whether you are running away from your strength or beauty or towards it, you know it is there.
Could it be that we carry in our hearts the essence of our Creator? Is it possible that as creation, something of beauty exists inside of us?
We are the ones to be fought over. You and I. Prized so much, valued so highly, worth enough to be fought for and over, precious enough to be pursued. You and I, our hearts are valued, valuable, worthy of love. And if they are worthy of love then they must be capable of loving in ways we’ve not yet understood.
So go forward, run after your strength, your beauty. Stumble towards the you that you can be, that you need to be. Learn about your heart, this amazing love, and never be the same.
ive been thinking lately, about being thankful.
for the things i have, and in some ways, for the things i dont have.
so many of my friends, people my age, have already settled down. they have a wife, kid(s), dog. they’re already rockin’ the white picket fence american dream. and while part of me wants that, yearns for the evident completeness they’ve found, part of me hungers for something more.
john eldredge describes that unsettledness, that desire for something more as the call of God for us to follow Him. john says “According to the part of the story God has allowed us to see, the Haunting we sense is His calling us forth on a journey.”
i wont begin to pretend i know what this journey is or where it will lead. but i am realizing that it’s not something i’m waiting to start. it’s something i have already begun. and thats something you need to realize too.
this, right here, this moment in time, is part of journey.
st. augustine said that the world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.
you are already on your journey. as am i.
and im suddenly realizing that part of me was waiting for something to happen. for someone to come along and give me permission to live life, to chase after my dreams.
i was waiting for something that will never happen.
and if this is true, that right now, im living my story…. if its true that the first pages have been turned, and that the book is already dog-eared, then i need to do everything i can, right now, to live life fully. to explore, fight, become a better me.
i need to learn to love. to walk through the fires before me. to face fears, to dance. i need to learn not just to tread water, but sail.
i need to learn to be thankful for where i am and for where i am going.
yes, eventually, i want what my friends have. i want to look into the eyes of my beloved, my betrothed, my bride, my (eve) and see our stories intertwining as one. i want to see our futures, together. i want to see hope, abundant life, and love ive not known reflected back in those eyes.
i want to see two books, two stories, two, becoming one.
and even if on the horizon of our future lie gray skies full with the promise of storms, i will look forward to the rain, to the thunder, to the tempest. because one day, i wont be sailing alone.
hillsong united – aftermath
what would you do, how differently would you look at life, would you live life if you knew that your heart was the treasure of the kingdom?
thats the question ive been struggling with.
the bible is rather clear about the value of our hearts. Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts proclaims proverbs 4.
all too often, when i read the bible, or when its preached, its done so with a word of caution. a warning. something to heed. it’s almost like we take every verse as a stern thou shalt not! and when we read about this God of abundant life, it never makes sense. we never see it. it never comes to fruition. so we chalk it up to something we have to trudge through ‘by faith’, and we give up on that beautiful life we were meant to live.
but what if that verse wasnt a warning. what if that verse wasnt meant to chastise or correct? but to tell us, show us the value of our hearts? what if the intent was to show us where that abundant life starts?
john eldredge in waking the dead says: “caring for our own hearts isnt selfishness; it’s how we begin to love.
yes, we care for our hearts for the sake of others. does that sound like a contradiction? not at all. what will you bring to others if your heart is empty, dried up, pinned down? love is the point. and you cant love without your heart, and you cant love well unless your heart is well.
when it comes to the whole subject of loving others, you must know this: how you handle your own heart is how you will handle theirs.
and
“what more can be said, what greater case could be made than this: to find God, you must look with all your heart. to remain present to God, you must remain present to your heart. to hear His voice, you must listen with your heart. to love Him, you must love with all your heart. you cannot be the person God meant you to be, and you cannot live the life He meant you to live, unless you live from the heart.”
wow.
what if that verse wasnt meant as a warning? but as a promise? as a road sign? what if its there to tell us that the abundant life He promised, is available? and that its tied to the dreams that were etched on our hearts before we were born?
what if that life is out there? if only we’d take care of our hearts? would i realize that the life i want to see is there? inside of me? and that if i cared for my heart, listened to it, lived from it, that this life would flow out? that id see my dreams come true? would you?
would you realize that life is there? inside of you? etched into your heart by the perfect One? would you realize that there is a reason your heart beats for antiques? or art? or music? or engineering? or dancing? or fashion? or photography? or woodworking?
what if we didnt give up on our dreams? but instead chose to dust them off, pry open the pages of stories long since forgotten and begin to read, again, the words that are etched on our hearts? what then?
what would our lives look like? how would life be different? how much more abundant would life be, if i honestly believed that my heart was a treasure? that abundant life was out there, was available for me?
would it be real? would this abundant life be real? would you see it if you looked at me?
i dont have the answers. but i’m going to challenge myself to find out.
because i believe there is a bigger story out there, bigger than im living. and these echoes we heart in our hearts, the yearning for something more, the ache deep inside that tells us we are not yet complete, they are all telling us that there is more. that we were destined for more. and that our path to this life, begins within our hearts.
your heart was created. by the Creator. with purpose and beauty. a destiny all its own. and you will only find that destiny, that fullness, by following the calling placed on your Heart by the one who traded His life for yours.
so follow Him. find your heart. and live from it.
future of forestry – sanctitatis
i hate being alone.
no, its not that, because i cherish time away from the world.
i am afraid of ending up alone. and i think, if we were all honest with ourselves, we all struggle with this fear.
and if we were to think about it, if we were to really think about it, i think we’d begin to understand that its not being alone that we fear. it is that we fear we’re not worthy of being pursued. that there is nothing desirable inside of us. we do not fear being alone, but what being alone tells us.
that we’re not worthy. that we dont belong, dont fit. that somehow we didnt pass the test. that the sum of our parts didnt add up to a high enough value.
we fear not being loveable more than we fear not being loved.
and that fear hits home.
we cover it, we do our best to hide it. some of us throw ourselves into a hobby, work, our careers, kids or current significant other. we look for answers to that doubt, that fear, in everything and anything we can control.
it’s almost like we were born with a deep-seated knowing that there was, is, something valuable inside of us. something precious. something deserving of love. its like we know, even if we refuse to admit it, that our hearts are valuable. that they are precious, unique and achingly beautiful. its like we understand that there is something of value, rare and matchless, inside of each of us.
and that knowing, because of our past experiences and past wounds leads us to fear ever letting it be seen. so we cover it. and we look for the fulfillment our heart longs for, in the people, jobs and things we surround ourselves with.
and we are never fulfilled.
we were never meant to fill the desire of our heart, to love in a way and be loved in a way we’ve never known, with a career, a relationship, or a hobby. our hearts were designed, created, for something great. to love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally. to be free. to create and love and make music, paint, throw pottery and dance.
our hearts were created for us to find life. true, abundant, beautiful life.
and when we hide our hearts, when past experiences, mistakes, pain, disappointment and fear cause us to lock our hearts away, we become shells of the lives we were meant to live. we become puppets. life becomes a routine, empty, stale unfulfillable.
we need to be reminded of how we were created.
we need to be reminded that we were not created to find our fullness in things, or people. but in a real relationship with the One who sculpted our hearts and knows their scars, better than we ever could.
we need to be reminded that we were destined to live, to find life fully. and to be shining examples of a heart fully alive.
so i challenge you, as i challenge myself, to slow down, to ask the hard questions, to feel the aches that our hearts hide, to fight through them. to learn from our mistakes….
and find ourselves running back home.
to let ourselves, our hearts feel. to be real, honest living people and not the shells we’ve come to believe equal life.
we are not promised that it will be easy. but we are promised that if we hang on and dont quit, that if we follow the One who has created our hearts, then we will find that life, that true, real, pure, brilliant life.
we will get there, we will know life.
and it will be beautiful.
Future of Forestry – Slow Your Breath Down
if you leave I’ll still be close to you
when all your fears rain down
I’ll take you back a thousand times again
I’ll take you as My own
I will sing you songs of innocence
till the light of morning comes
till the rays of golden honey cover you
in the sweetness of the dawn
but you’re always on the run
i turned 31 earlier this month. the day after we celebrated a new year and new decade.
amidst the celebrations of the new year, the goodbye’s to the old, the birthday wishes and cards, something never stopped whispering to me. never stopped making its presence known.
in years past, i’ve always tried to write something about the passing of one year and the birth of another. to somehow close out the past 365 days, and greet the first few days of the coming year. this year was different, and honestly i’m not sure why yet.
i stopped today at a gas station to use the restroom. (i know, bear with me). and as i washed my hands my eyes were drawn to the sign we’ve seen in restrooms everywhere, employees must wash hands. i am thankful for those signs, dont get me wrong. but as i stood there, something occurred to me. that sign, those words, are meaningless, if the employees of that establishment dont honor those words with their obedience.
wow.
our health, the safety of our food products, and quite possibly our very lives are dependent on a little sign stuck in the restroom of our favorite restaurants, grocery stores, coffee shops and gas stations. and it’s not the words, for they carry no power, no might, no strength to provide safety or health. it’s in the obedience to those words, that safety is had. that our meals are healthy. that life is good.
im realizing today that it’s not our words that have power, but its the power we give those words, over us and over others, that really matter.
throughout our lives we will have words of blessing spoken over us. and we will also have words designed to wound and tear, thrown at us from every side. and its not the words themselves that matter, but the value we ascribe to those words. when a complete stranger hurls curses, you brush it off. but if a close friend was to do so, the wound would be deep because we give more value to the words of a friend than those from a random passerby.
i wounded a friend friday night. not intentionally. but i did. i hate typing those words. not because i dont like admitting my mistakes, although i dont. but because i hate wounding those i love. i hate when my words, my actions, or lack thereof tell someone i care for deeply that i think less of them, or that i dont care about them. i hate it, because when i’ve wounded someone, it means i could have blessed them. i could have spoken words that brought life, affirmed, and blessed.
so maybe in a way this is me saying goodbye to 2010 and hello to 2011. maybe this is me welcoming 31. and maybe this is me saying i’m sorry in the best way i know how. because the person, the woman i wounded is an amazing creature.
in 2011, i want my words to mean something. i want to my life to lay bare the words that are imprinted on my heart. i want those i love to never question their value. this year, i want my life to point to something bigger than me, something larger than the 9-5, the 2 day weekends and countless cups of coffee.
that little sign in the restroom isnt just a little sign. it’s a marker. it’s an announcement to all who read it that this establishment values its patrons, their health and well being.
you and i? we may only be a passerby, or we may be the close friend. no matter the situation, we will have moments to leave our imprint on those we come in contact with. in 2011, i pray the imprints i leave behind whisper of more, point to freedom, and remind those around me that love waits for them.
Future of Forestry – Speak to Me Gently
you hear it too. you sense it. especially at this time of year. when you slow down, if you let yourself slow down. you can hear it. echoes of something ancient. something wonderful. something that we know is missing, even if we dont know what it is.
its the call to more. to something more than shopping, more than wrapping and more than the exchanging of gifts. if you allowed yourself the time to feel it, to truly hear it, you’d hear it while you wrapped. while you shopped. and especially when you exchanged gifts.
what we miss, what i miss, is the reason for all this effort; for the time spent looking for just the right gift and for the hours spent wrapping presents in something that will only be torn and discarded. in our rush to find that perfect gift, to wrap the present just so we forget that we are incomplete. we forget that tomorrow isn’t just the celebration of a quaint story, but that it’s the celebration of the birth of a King. of the One destined to bring peace. of the One who holds our destinies in His hands.
you were created with the knowing, the understanding deep inside of your being that you were incomplete, that there is more. you were created to hear that call. to instinctively know it. your heart was tuned to resonate when the call sounds.
tomorrow, when you hear that call, be reminded that a loving God sent His only Son to die for our incompleteness. for our failures. for our screw-ups, mistakes and depravity. tomorrow be reminded that One came, lived a sinless life because we had no hope of doing so, and died a horrible death so we wouldnt have to. tomorrow, remember that we are not alone. that God-with-us has come. tomorrow, when you hear that call. pause. give yourself time to respond.
tomorrow, we remember that He came to bring life. abundant life. tomorrow, we remember that there is hope. tomorrow, mercy is new. tomorrow, you are no longer alone. you are no longer incomplete. tomorrow, more begins. your story is not over. the more is here. you were and are called for more. your life is sacred. you were created with a purpose. and the destiny He holds for you is beautiful.
tomorrow is an invitation. an invitation into the life you are being called into. the life of more. tomorrow, when you hear the call, the invitation, respond.
and never look back.
Future of Forestry – The Earth Stood Still
there are times when looking back is healthy. when its a good thing to look over your shoulder and see how far you’ve come. to realize how much you have fought through, overcome. other times, looking backwards is a haunting affair. where the shadows you’ve been fleeing from seem closer than when you began to run.
im realizing that there are moments in scripture where God came, where God rescued. moments of impossible circumstances where if God had not moved, all would be lost.
but that isnt how every story ends.
we trade words like vendors at a bazaar. haggling, arguing, jabbing and throwing out our own barbs… but never, never listening. never hearing the ache in the heart of the people we are closest to. never seeing the pain in their eyes. or the brokenness in the sound of their voice.
we’re a broken people, living in a broken world, pretending that we were able to put the pieces of our lives back together on our own. pretending that our lives make sense. that we can somehow, through self discipline, force our defining life-experiences to fit into the mold of what a christian life should look like.
we pretend our scars aren’t old wounds. we joke and laugh when one of those words we trade so easily, hits home. we wince, and cover it with a smile when someones off-handed comments strikes a nerve, and breaks off a piece from our hearts.
we pretend the abuse, the abandonment, the loss, confusion and pain arent as big as they are. we pretend we can get along fine, that if we believe they dont really exist, then theyve somehow disappeared.
we, i put on a mask. and pretend its ok.
i pretend im completely ok being 30 and single. that i dont look with yearning to my friends who have wives. whove found the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. who are buying a house, or having their first child. who are dreaming bigger dreams, and praying bigger prayers.
i pretend that what has happened to my family is somehow ok. that it’s not as big as it would seem if i just dont look at the issues. i joke and laugh when someone makes a comment that strikes home. i wince, and cover it with a smile.
i pretend like there arent moments when i wonder if this is it. if this loneliness will be the one constant in my life.
i pretend like i’m ok. i stay moving. never stopping long enough in one place to lose momentum, never allowing my masks to fall.
i stay moving, to stay disconnected from my heart. to stay distanced from the one thing that could betray me. the one thing that knows my weaknesses, my failures, my hurts and scars. the one thing that could shatter my painstakingly created facade.
if i pretend i’m ok, i’m ok…. right?
for every instance of the miraculous protection of daniel and the victory of david over the giant, there are stories of heartache. of people having to walk through the fire, to get to the other side. these are the quiet heroes. and these are the stories that matter. because they are the stories that speak to where we are. these stories are valuable, they carry weight. why? because we live in a real world. and yes, there are miracles and i’m thankful for them. but there wont always be, not in every circumstance. there will be times when the seas will be calmed and there will be times when the storm will rage and we will have to do everything we can to hang on.
adam went through those times. he had something he needed to learn. something valuable. something beautiful. something utterly irreplaceable. that could only be learned through the process. adam needed to walk through his fire to learn the value of (eve).
Christ needed thirty years on this planet to prepare for three that would rewrite history. david needed the battles with the bears and the lions, to be ready for the battle with the giant. joseph needed to be a slave, to be ready to wear a crown and be the savior to his nation. the disciples needed the storm, to see the power of the One they followed. moses needed the wilderness, to find the courage to save his people.
the bible isnt just a book of miracles. it’s a book of real people who lived real stories. people who could pull up their sleeves and show you their scars, both figurative and real. these were people who lived each day hoping for a miracle, while choosing to walk through the fire. they knew the value of process. they understood that to get from here to there, was a journey. they knew it would cost. they knew that they served a God who could intervene, and when needed, would do just that. but they also knew they served a God who’s ultimate goal wasnt their personal comfort, or even that they’d escape unscathed. they knew, deep inside of their being, that the story being told was bigger than they understood.
and they knew that through the fires, the storms, the battles and fear, that He was faithful. that He would guide them safely through to the other side. they knew, through it all, that there was hope. and they never gave up. and because of their determinedness, we have their stories.
there are things you and i will only ever learn going through the process. and if you havent figured it out yet, you will not escape unscathed. but the miracle of this life isnt escaping with as little hurt as possible. no, thats not why we’re here.
we’re here to follow the One who has already rescued us. we are here to be His light. His voice. His hands and feet. we’re here to stand up for right. and we’re here to show the mercy and grace we so desperately needed.
the miraculous that these stories contain arent that, in each instance, they were saved from trouble. it was that through it all, He never left them alone. that through the fire, the battle, the heartache, the pain, He was there. He promised He would never leave. and He kept his promise.
thats the miracle. the miracle we celebrate december 25. we are not alone. He walks with us. we have a mission. He is leading us. and we will get through. and when we do, we will have stories to tell. stories that will bring hope.
future of forestry – the earth stood still
….and He took one of his ribs….
The story of creation becomes more fascinating to me each time I read it. I was thinking last night, trying to grasp why God would need an entire rib to create (eve). If He gathered the dust of the ground together to create Adam, why was so much more required for (eve)? What was it about her, about woman, that was so incredibly important?
Everything else God made, He created by speaking it into existence. Then God said…. and it was so. The earth, the sun, moon and stars, the firmament, the land and all that walked, crawled, flew above and swam under it. He spoke, and it was so.
But not so with (eve).
God took adams rib. This is the first recorded instance in the Bible, of something being required. Up to this point, throughout all of creation, every creature, every bird, fish and beast that walked upon land, all of it came from nothing.
Adam – came from nothing.
But (eve) cost something. There was something required for (eve).
Why a rib? why not something more mundane? I mean, if we believe the story of creation then we believe God is the creator of DNA, and we believe that if He created it, then He knows and understands it fully. He didn’t need a rib, He could have taken one of adams hair follicles. He could have simply gathered together more dust, and breathed into it as He did to create Adam.
But that wasnt the plan. That wasnt what Adam needed to grasp. I’m beginning to believe the creation of (eve) was less about the rib and more about what her creation needed to communicate to Adam. Why did it cost? Why was a rib needed? Why did God take something so close to Adams heart, and in its place, give him (eve)?
Maybe it’s because God was trying to show Adam something….
God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” So God formed from the dirt of the ground all the animals of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the Man to see what he would name them. Whatever the Man called each living creature, that was its name. The Man named the cattle, named the birds of the air, named the wild animals; but he didn’t find a suitable companion. God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.
God tells Adam it’s not good for him to be alone, and then proceeds to show Adam every single creature that walked the earth. God was telling Adam something. Something we’ve lost. God was preparing Adam for a revelation, a revealing.
God was preparing Adam to see, to fully grasp and understand true beauty.
Think about it. Adam had just seen every single creature on earth and no suitable match was found. God knew that. He wasnt surprised or caught off guard. God didn’t forget to create (eve), He waited. because Adam needed to be ready. And it took Adam seeing every created being, every beast of the field and bird of the air for him to begin to understand the vastness of creation.
God was telling Adam something.
God was telling Adam that of all the millions of creatures that roamed the earth, none had been worth a cost, none had so much value or worth that it needed something for it to be created.
(Eve) was different. and from the very moment she was created, God needed Adam to understand that. God needed Adam to realize that she was the epitome of beauty, of value, of worth and that she was to be cherished, protected, honored, and loved. God was showing Adam, as best as He possibly could, the true value of the beauty that existed in (eve).
God was showing adam what He saw in (eve).
And may I one day see the same.
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 