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ill be honest… at first, i was too rushed to even notice this.but kate hun, ive been listening to one song all evening long. and then i read your blog…
and i didnt make the connection till just now…
so – from the bottom of who i am…
when you feel all alone
and the world has turned its back on you
give me a moment please
to tame your wild wild heart
i know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
its hard to find relief
and people can be so cold
when darkness is upon your door
and you feel like you cant take anymore
let me be the one you call
if you jump, ill break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the nite
if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart
and if you need to crash then crash and burn
you’re not alone
when you feel all alone
and a loyal friend is hard to find
you’re caught in a one way street
with the monsters in your head
when hopes and dreams are far away
and you feel like you cant face the day
let me be the one you call
if you jump, ill break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the nite
if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart
and if you need to crash then crash and burn
you’re not alone
cuz there has always been heartache and pain
but when its over, you’ll breath again
you’ll breath again.
when you feel all alone
and the world has turned its back on you
give me a moment please
to tame your wild wild heart
let me be the one you call
if you jump, ill break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the nite
if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart
and if you need to crash then crash and burn
you’re not alone
sometimes it takes all we have to simply love someone the way we’re called too.one of the hardest things to do in this world is to love someone….. from afar. knowing full well that your love may never… ever be reciprocated. knowing that your calling in their life may be for nothing more than to love from a distance. never able to fully express how much you love them… or how much…. how desperate you are, to simply share all you are with them…
its a pain that can’t be described… its an ache deep in your soul. that will never be quenched. its the deepest longings of the heart…
that are left unfulfilled.
so maybe i havent given up yet… but im beginning to ask myself if its time to move on.
im begining to question wether or not im stuck in my own little dream-bubble. hoping -against all hope- that my dream would come true…
and restoration will come.
i dont know.
im searching. i know of no other term to use….
i dont know what to do… and im desperate for guidance…
ive been wondering over the course of the past 3 weeks… if im getting a small glimpse of what the Father feels towards his children… when He cant fully express His love…
im not sure…
all i know to do…
Lord help… help me please.
not ashamed to be helpless hiding at the feet of the Lamb who died
and made a way where there was no way
don’t care if they call me crazy
i need You like the air im breathing
and wherever You are i never will be far away
i know ive probably blogged more the past 48 hours than in any period in the past 48 months.
im just not sure what im feeling inside. and its scary not knowing.
—song of the nite—
there is a light that shines upon us. there is a heaven.
thats where im longing to be.
would you please come talk to me.
there is a darkness that falls upon us.
there is a blindness that makes me hunger for you.
will you lead me through?
summer of love
so ful of pain
summer of love
was God to blame
There is a song I have been singing
It brings the healing that’s what I’m longing to see
Would you please come fall on me
You probably know that I love a savior
His name is Jesus, and I am living to be
Just a faithful one to thee
summer of love
so full of pain
summer of love
was God to blame
summer of love
so full of pain
summer of love
God knows your name
—-end of song—-
why exactly the little boy inside of me is so scared right now i dont know. ive never been more unsure of so many things. and yet, ive never been so sure of one thing… change.
its coming. and i dont know how.
im standing on the edge of the unknown and im waiting for the other shoe to drop.
maybe im just crying out again for closure. maybe im searching for love. maybe im crying out for answers to the questions that refuse to go away.
maybe im just simply asking for the measure of courage neccessary to walk out this road. ive said it before, but i feel it more so each day. the end is coming. im not sure how, or what exactly this all means….
maybe its not so much the questions that im asking that matters… maybe its the ones that He’s asking me.
am i ready? am i prepared for the end? would i be ready if the command to ‘go’ was issued tomorrow?
i dont know…
but my heart burns for this….
Lord, you have my heart
and i will seach for Yours
Jesus take my life and lead me on.
this is it. this is me. mistakes and sins and warts and all. this isnt going to get any nicer. i just hope i have what it takes.
sometimes its the subtle things that catch us off guard. sometimes we dont even realize we’ve been “caught”. it takes a heart that has slowed somewhat, from the business of the day, to notice that indeed – it is no longer free but has been caught by surprise. thats me for tonite… somewhat caught off guard. by the scent of fabric softener.you see, i was surprised this weekend by my friend skip. she threw me in a car on friday and off we drove.
now you have to understand that my thoughts on the weekend were going to be nothing more than maybe an hour or two drive time. we left @ 6:15pm. 12:45am saturday we arrived in virginia. and we visited skips best friend k8 (who is my friend to, but we met through skip) so anyway…
i was under the impression that the trip, and seeing kate were the surprise for the weekend. boy was i wrong. saturday afternoon found me off to baltimore for an Ikea store. woohoo!! and after… downtown baltimore for an intimate evening with lifehouse. all surprises. all wonderful.
i guess i brought all this up for two reasons. the first being to simply state how awesome it is to be loved. not for anything you’ve done… or anything you try to be…but just for who you are.
and secondly, to just express some of the ways i changed.
because of the awesome-ness of the weekend, i called in to work and took monday off as well. so we did laundry… and i just pulled a t-shirt from my suitcase. it smelled like fabric softener. i havent used fabric softener in 18 months or more. my mom used to. i miss that smell…
ok, so im not sure how that shows any changes in my life… but believe me. i have changed. permanently. and im constantly continuing to change.
and until things settle down…
im hanging on every word You say
and even if You dont wanna speak tonite
thats all right, all right with me
cos i want nothing more than to sit outside heavens door
and listen to Your breathing.
i’ve been on the verge of tears all evening long. so, i am going to revert to posting my song for the nite, and just leave it at that…
spend all your time waiting for that second chance. for a break that would make it ‘ok’. theres always some reason to not feel not good enough and its hard at the end of the day. i need some distraction. oh, beautiful release. memories seep through my veins. let me be empty…oh weightless and maybe, we’ll find some peace tonite…
in the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark, cold hotel room
and the endlesness that you feel.
you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie.
you’re in the arms of an angle, may you find some comfort here.
sleepless eyes open wide
under heaven i stand again
if there is no winning this war tonite
could you please stop my spinning head?
you don’t remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream?
and dream i do…
i believe in you
i’ll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you’re taking over me
not exactly sure of a title for tonite. i was thinking of something akin to “the beginning of the end“… but that sounded way to cliche-ish.
alhtough, for all intensive purposes… yesterday did mark, officially, the beginning of the end…
oh screw it.
for tonite-
evanesence
whisper
catch me as i fall
say you’re here and it’s all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one’s here and i fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away
don’t turn away
don’t give in to the pain
don’t try to hide
though they’re screaming your name
don’t close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don’t turn out the light
never sleep never die
i’m frightened by what i see
but somehow i know that there’s much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
i can stop the pain if i will it all away
don’t turn away
don’t give in to the pain
don’t try to hide
though they’re screaming your name
don’t close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don’t turn out the light
never sleep never die
fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me i fear
she beckons me shall i give in
upon my end shall i begin
forsaking all i’ve fallen for i rise to meet the end
im learning a lot about this thing called thankfulness. well, in all actuallity, ive probably hardly scratched the surface.and aside from all ive to offer tonite… i will leave you with this.
Father, You’re all i need
my soul sufficency
my strength when i am weak
the love, that carries me
Your arms enfold me
till i am only
a child of God
have you any idea….. how beautiful you are?
that in a million years I could not love you more
like the sun can only shine so bright in the auburn sky
and you will never be abandoned
I will never leave you stranded
I would die to find a way to reach you…
there is no ocean deep enough
no mountain high or steep enough
to keep Me away – keep Me away from you
there is no highway long enough
no river wide or strong enough
to keep Me away – keep Me away from you
when are you going to believe like I believe in you?
if love is a lie then there is no truth
so I’ll hang on the wire and follow you anywhere
and you dont have to bel onely
or look very hard to find Me
I’ll be walking on your stormy sea
I know your feeling lost sometimes
I know you’re losing sleep at night
and faith is hard to find
and prayers are crashin to the floor
and you wonder what you’re prayin for…
there is no ocean deep enough
no mountain high or steep enough
to keep Me away – keep Me away from you
there is no highway long enough
no river wide or strong enough
to keep Me away – keep Me away from you
FindingTheCourageToDream.com 