FindingTheCourageToDream.com

am i who i want to be?

August 12, 2003 in God, Life | by Peej | Leave a comment

im struck again by the title to this blog.

and im realizing… again… that the answer is

no.

im not. not yet.

i got to thinking about my blog earlier today. and how much it means to me. or for that matter, how deeply connected i am with most of the things i write. i am not the caliber of person who can crank out 300 words that will tear at your being and speak to your soul… unless im going through something. im no great writer…. but i dont have to be.

for you see, to me – writing is my art.

i may never paint a chapel. or create something as priceless as monet. my works may never be displayed in the guggenheim… i may never have a mona lisa… but this… right here. is who i am. and if we – on this earth – are all artists of sorts…

then the question i am left with tonite…

what mark am i leaving?

what i want – for the moment – is inconsequential.

for this moment….

i need to be dipped again, in the blood of the Lamb

thank you

August 10, 2003 in Friends | by Peej | Leave a comment

sometimes our most powerful thoughts… are lost when we try to convey them with too many words…

so from the bottom of my toes…

little sparrow –

thank you.

You’re the one

August 6, 2003 in The Soundtrack | by Peej | Leave a comment

love me like no other
You have been the Savior of my life
You know my weakness
but see me beautiful through Your eyes

and Youre the One that I need
the One who makes me complete
and Youre the One who is strong
when I am crying and weak
and Youre the One that I love
the One who never gives up
and Youre the One that I need
Youre the One, Youre the One

prepare me

August 5, 2003 in The Soundtrack | by Peej | Leave a comment

Lord prepare me
to be a sanctury
pure and holy
tried and true

with thanksgiving
ill be a living
sanctuary
for you

storms…

August 4, 2003 in God, Life | by Peej | Leave a comment

ive only one thought to end tonite.i found myself this evening on the roof of the parking garage.
litterally surrounded on all sides by an amazing lightening storm.
and as the rain began to fall… it was only then i realized that storms – be they ever so destructive…
are also the most creative powers of nature.

for you see, not only does rain clean the air and water the ground, lightening also replenishes the ozone.

whoopdeedoo right?

then i realized….

its only during the worst of storms – that true restoration can come.

its only when we’ve chosen to withstand the storm… the fire, for as long as we needed too…

its then, and only then that the air is truly cleansedhealing can beginand the protective barrier around our world, around our “lives”can be strengthened again.

the way my heart beats

August 4, 2003 in Friends, Life, Love, The Soundtrack | by Peej | Leave a comment

this is in response to k8s most recent posting… if you havent read it, check it out here.

ive found myself wanting to do the same thing on my site too k8. maybe not for the same reasons, but things just seem to be changing so quickly that within days, my posts are either outdated – or ive changed beyond that spot.

it seems that with extreme change externally comes extreme changes in the heart. and im beginning to learn that changes in the heart will inevitably bring about changes externally.

i used to think – not sure why, but i did – that the realms of the heart were rarely able to impact the realm of the external. for some reason, i just assumed that they existed in two seperate areas. two seperate levels of reality.

maybe its because im slowly allowing myself to open back up to some long lost dreams… hopes… and ideals. maybe its because in doing so, my reality, as i’ve known it – has been shaken.

change is coming. i keep saying it. i know.

maybe it is no longer the right statement to make anymore. because, the truth is…

change is here.

its in me.

its in my heart.

its in the gifts that have lied dormant for so long that are springing to life.

its in the way my prayers have changed.

its in the way my heart beats. and the things it beats for.

Lord you have my heart
And I will search for yours
Jesus take my life and lead me on.

hold me

August 3, 2003 in The Soundtrack | by Peej | Leave a comment

when im walking through the valley
of the darkest hour i know
Lord, dont you leave me all alone

when im surrounded by the shadows
that seem to feed my fear
i will trust You though
i may not feel You here

but i know
that Your love is unfailing
i know
Your grace is so amazing
i know
even though my faith be shaken
i still know
ill never be forsaken
because Your always faithful
i know

when my bed has been floating
on the flood of all my tears
it seems as though my joy has dissappeared
still i will not put my hope
in what i feel or see
i will cling to You
and trust….

You’re holding me

all about You

August 2, 2003 in Life, Love, The Soundtrack | by Peej | Leave a comment

again for tonite… im gonna leave this post without a title. im hoping that more or less, ill just end up pouring some of who i am right now into this post.

with newly discovered love… comes the need for newly, or possibly renewed… surrender.

i cant begin to describe how much has changed in little more than a month.

i am utterly terrified.

Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

CS Lewis

i dont know what the next step is. or even if there should be a next step.

all i know…. is this.

when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something thats of worth
that will bless Your heart

ill bring You more than a song
for a song in itself is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You’re looking into my heart.

im coming back to the heart of worship
and its all about You…. all about You.

you’re a dreamer

August 2, 2003 in Friends, Life | by Peej | Leave a comment

you’re a dreamer

someone just said that to me while discussing my lack of putt putt skills…

my reply?

ya know what, on an entirely different leve – i hope i am

whom shall i fear?

July 31, 2003 in The Soundtrack | by Peej | Leave a comment

i will seek you Lord
while i am in my youth
and i will serve you Lord
and ill proclaim Your truth

for you searched and found me
while i was far away
and through the troubled times
you always keep me safe

the Lord is my light and my salvation
whom shall i fear?
whom shall i fear?
the Lord is the stronghold of my life
whom shall i fear?
whom shall i fear?