its in living those stories out, that we find out what is in our hearts. its in those moments of pressure, of stress, of pain that just wont end; that we truly see the holes in our heart. and what we’ve filled them with. and how quickly we want the circumstances to change.

we dont want the process of change. we dont want the uncovering, the exposing, the embarassment from having our hearts shown for what they truly are.

me? its anger. and its beginning to impact me physically. and it sucks.

and right now, i want to simply be healed. im not looking for the long term cure. i want the instant fix.

i dont want to peek into the areas of my heart that ive brushed under the carpet… that ive kept hidden. that ive hoped would one day just go away. i dont want to go where ive not been in a long while. i want to avoid those areas, take a pill and move on.

but i cannot.

not if i want to live fully. not if i want to continue to hope.

sometimes it takes a thorn in our sides, to get us to drop to our knees and simply say we were wrong. to accept the wrong-ness. to expose it, and to, hopefully, find what was supposed to occupy that part of our hearts in the first place.

life. full on, no holds barred, im all in, life.

whatever it takes. right?